Tales of a Mommy Karateka

It's Been a Long Time, Baby.

2011-06-22T10:41:00.001-07:00

I remember when I used to sit down once or twice a week at my laptop to pour out my karate experiences, my life experiences. This used to be during breaks at work, where I had my massage office to myself. No children. No husband. Just me and the words. It became this really important thing for me, a place where I could share my martial arts thoughts with other martial artists who wouldn't look at me with this "okay, I don't know if she's crazy or not but I'm just going to smile and nod" kind of stare.

Then it all changed when I moved three years ago (has it really been that much time already??), selling a business I worked very hard at building, uprooting my family, starting over. I desperately tried to stay with my Koro Ken training, which involved going to my local Y with another woman who had moved up here and had trained in Koro Ken as well. We even got another woman to join us. Periodically one of the Sensei in that style would come up to kick our butts. I never had the time to make the two hour trip to the home dojo and lamented the fact that it probably would never happen. I even tried some other styles...but nothing felt like home.

A year after moving I became pregnant with our second son and martial arts training grinded to a halt. As did my exercising. Three months of constant nausea doesn't exactly get one pumped to go work out for an hour. Then baby was born, I recuperated for six weeks and decided to start running. Always in the back of my mind was karate. I had this nagging, empty feeling where karate used to be and it made me sad. I felt a little lost.

My last few posts talked about getting into policing, which is still an ongoing adventure. Never have I put so much time and energy into a career than I have with this one. Nothing has turned up for me yet, but I'm still going for it. Thing is, the hiring process takes FOREVER, but I'm willing to put into the time. It will eventually happen for me. For the time being I'm back to massaging and it feels pretty good. I'm not working for myself, but that's okay. With a career change looming the last thing I want to do is get a following of private clients.

But there's this problem. I still haven't filled the karate hole. My life has consumed every minute of my day, which will happen when you have two young children and a husband. I work mostly during the late afternoons, which doesn't leave much time for taking a class, and most dojo around here don't have any classes in the middle of the day. I also work on Saturdays, another class day. There's got to be some way I can get back into martial arts. It's becoming a little unbearable. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but when you put eleven years into something and then have it suddenly gone from your life...well, if you train you know what I mean.

I've been filling that hole with some punching bag time and my three to four times a week workouts, which consist of running and doing some type of CrossFit-like exercise. It makes me feel great...but I need my martial arts fix. It doesn't have to be karate. I just need to find those two times a week when I can go to a class, start small and go from there. I'm thinking that will happen soon. I just finished going through a hiring process with a local PD and was not chosen (although I was in the top five). One position, forty seven applicants. A little competition. I told myself that if I didn't get hired I would go in search of a new martial art. Well, now it's time to do just that.

Plowing through

2010-04-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

At the risk of losing precious sleep (a teething baby does not allow for a restful night) I will update. I so miss writing on a regular basis. When I look back on my older entries I smile and remember what it was like to write at least once a week. Now I'm lucky if I get in a post once a month. So, these rusty fingers will give it a go!

The law enforcement class is rocking my world. I already feel like a police officer. That may sound a bit cheesy, but I do. I've already submitted my application to the Burlington Police Department. I REALLY want to work there. The application was the easy part....except for the question, "List all criminal activity since the age of 10". The age of 10?! I managed to remember my youthful stupidity and cringed as I wrote them down to be dissected by those who will grill me with uncomfortable questions for my oral boards.

What I'm most concerned with right now is the 1.5 mile run. The PT test consists of: a certain amount of push ups/sit ups in one minute, bench press a percentage of my weight, reach over my toes a certain length (sitting down) and running 1.5 miles in a certain amount of time. These numbers are age dependent (I'm in the 30-39 age group) and for the BPD you need to be in the 50 percentile. So, I need to be able to do 11 push ups (no problem), 27 full sit ups (a bit of a struggle, but I can do it. Ah, C-section stomach), 100 lbs bench press (no problem), don't remember the flexibility but go way beyond the number and run 1.5 miles in 15:17. Right now I'm at 17 minutes.

However.....ah the however....I've come down with a nasty case of pes anserine bursitis in my right knee. Yes, that's a mouthful. This happened to me six months after my first child, too. I'm hoping a solid round of physical therapy will make me all better and I can get back to running.

Yup, I'm not running, which isn't helping me lower my time. This means I may not be able to take the PT test until late May, early June. Which means that when (not if) I get hired I won't be able to go to the academy until February (the next class starts in August). This may not be a bad thing since my oldest starts Kindergarten in the fall. It would be so sad for me to miss that milestone in his life, even if he won't really remember it. I'll be gone all week when I start the academy, and I think it may be smart of me to wait until he has a few months of Kindergarten under his belt before I leave.

All in all I'm getting into wicked shape and have lost most of my pregnancy weight. It's so wonderful to work hard again...I can wear my jeans!

The trip of a lifetime.

2010-03-21T16:42:00.000-07:00

It's been sad not having time to blog about my martial arts adventures lately. On the other side of that, I haven't really HAD any martial arts adventures for over a year now. "Life" got in the way for a while and I'm not really sure when I'll be able to get back into a dojo. Having two children to look after kind of puts the proverbial stick into the spoke of my wheels. It's certainly not a bad thing, just sad every once in a while. However, a new path has presented itself to me, and boy oh boy, what a ride it's going to be!

A little over a month ago I spotted a flier at my gym. There were many other fliers on the same board, but this one immediately caught my eye. On this piece of paper was information on a program called Step Up to Law Enforcement. The sentence, "Oh, I couldn't possibly do that. My life is too crazy"ran through my mind, but as I was thinking that my hand was reaching up to take the slip of paper on the bottom that had a phone number.

To make this story just a bit shorter, I ended up contacting Vermont Works for Women and was put in touch with the woman who runs this particular program. Turns out we knew each other. Talk about a small state....

Her aunt lives in my home town and I met her about 20 years ago (!) as we were both about to attend the University of Vermont. I hadn't seen her since that time (and we only saw each other a few times in college) and had no idea that she worked for VT Works for Women. She still knew who I was and I recognized her name immediately. So, I went in for an information session. I then came back for and interview with this woman and after that was asked to come back for a second interview. It had been a long time since I was put into that type of situation.

The second interview was with four women: two from VT Works for Women, one police officer and one corrections officer. Talk about being nervous! That had NEVER happened to me, ever. The questions were hard and had me thinking to the bottom of my brain. They do that on purpose since they only take women they feel are suited for law enforcement work. Apparently I am one of those women.

The class started last Thursday and so far I'm thinking this will be the best career path ever. Massage has been so amazing, and was the career that made me who I am today, but becoming a police officer will take me so much further. The class is 9 weeks and introduces us to what it will be like having a career in law enforcement. We will be applying for jobs in two weeks. Once we are hired that agency sponsors us to go to the police academy. That will be a difficult road because not only is it tough academically and physically, but I will be away from home all week for 16 weeks. All students must stay at the academy, but we get to go home on the weekends. That will be so hard to do, but what I'm working towards will make up for having to be away from my family.

Onward, ho!

I'm back!

2010-01-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

Well, after six weeks of recoup I finally began my journey back into shape. While karate was out for me until the baby gets bigger and finds his sleeping pattern, I decided to put that same focus into turning my "running hate" into "running love".

One of my facebook friends became a fan of this page called "Warrior Dash". I checked it out and found this amazing foot race that happens all over the U.S. I decided that was going to be my drive to get myself back into some serious shape. See, I went a little crazy with pregnancy eating this time around. Perhaps it was this kooky notion in my brain that said, "since this is the last time you'll be pregnant you might as well take advantage of eating for two!" Pure bogus, but it sounded good at the time.

So, at exactly six weeks I put the newbie into the stroller and walked one mile. I did this two more times that week snd was incredibly sore. I've progressed from there to the treadmill at the local Y and now go two miles walking up a steep incline for five minutes and running for five minutes. I'm thinking that it's time to just run and stop being such a sissy about it already. I now have four other victims (one of which is my sister, who has been running and racing for many years now, but has never done anything quite so crazy as the WD) to join me in the Dash, so now I really have to stay focused and just run three miles already!

I've always detested running. When I played field hockey in junior high and high school we ran this crazy drills all afternoon long and usually finished with this particularly devilish routine lovingly called "Killers". It involved doing various sprints around the field, across the field, etc. It was horrendous. I also never prepared myself for the field hockey training I new was going to start in August by running throughout the summer. After graduating high school I rarely did any kind of exercise, except for walking around the college campus. Needless to say I gained the freshman 15. It wasn't pretty.

But those were younger days and now I'm a seasoned exerciser and lover of anything that makes me huff and puff and perhaps vomit. Yes, I said vomit. I've started doing these indoor sledgehammer exercises which will eventually progress to hitting tires. Such a good way to get out the mommy aggression! There is also the one hundred push ups training. These things I can do with children in the house since I'm now a full-time stay-at-home mommy. This mommy means business!!

So, we'll see how this all goes. I'm foresee burpees in my future. And hill sprints. And wall climbing ( to go along with the hair pulling I've started as my 5 YO exercises his independence and defiance). Oh, and perhaps a pull up bar for the house....

He has arrived

2009-10-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, on September 23, Bishop decided to make his way into the world. My water broke with this one (that didn't happen with the first son), and I actually think Bishop punched the hole. That's what it felt like....what a proud mama! My budding karateka. Luckily it happened at 4:30 am and not in the middle of the night.

Bishop was born at 8:40 am via C-section. I had a very difficult time with the first child when labor finally came around (I was two weeks late and then had on/off labor for three days before true labor...and then only dilated to 8cm. At that point I was so exhausted I decided to have a C-section), so decided not to do natural this time around. It was a very difficult decision and I waffled for a long time. What it came down to was that I wanted this baby out as safely as possible and just wasn't willing to take the risks of a VBAC.

He was 7lbs, 12oz and 19 inches long. My peanut. So, here he is!

So now it's the lovely time of the newborn, with sleepless nights and a baby who sleeps all day, with me taking advantage of naps. I'm already planning my next karate adventure, but will have to wait until some time this winter to join a new dojo. I have to get back to work first so that I can fund my new path! There are two places I'm considering: this one, and perhaps here. We'll see.....I'm just looking forward to getting back into shape, and sleeping.

When the breath becomes important.

2009-08-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

So, here I am updating. Yup, still alive, and yup, still pregnant. Although that came into question this past Friday evening....

My life has been a bit crazy over the past three weeks: preparing to move again (but just across the street, so not too bad) and get ready for a visit from my husband's brother and his family. The latter producing extreme stress in my MIL, which she so lovingly regurgitated in my direction one too many times prompting me to tell my husband to muzzle his mother already. We have a great relationship, my MIL and I, but sometimes.....you get the picture.

So, last Friday after much stress and too much hamster-wheel-in-the-brain I began to have contractions, which really freaked me out (I'm was 31 weeks pregnant. Too soon!). My husband and I went to the hospital where they drew blood, tested urine, and *ahem* swabbed. Three hours later it was determined that I was not in labor. However, I was placed on moderate bedrest for the next three days. And in those three days we had to move. Luckily I had started packing three weeks ago.

I was placed upon the couch, where I directed traffic. That wasn't so bad. Then the moving was done, and it went very smoothly. Our friends were amazing! It was the aftermath of the move that started eating at me. I couldn't do ANYTHING: no unpacking, no organizing, no picture hanging. Have I ever mentioned how I HATE to be uprooted? Well, it's very difficult for me. I like an organized space, a place where my "things" are, my books tucked lovingly into their shelves. Now all of that was in boxes in the middle of my dining room.

This was the point where I had to either breathe or breakdown and cry. So, I did a little bit of both. I called upon my almost-forgotten hara breathing, and calmed myself down. Of course, when you're pregnant, where is your hara? Still in the same place? Just below your bellybutton? Well, my bellybutton has moved...but, I know where my hara is. And it's still strong.

Now I'm off bedrest with conditions: be careful, listen to your body and do a little unpacking at a time. My bulldog of a husband, of course, forbids me to do anything but go to the beach. Not a bad idea, but I'm still going to unpack. Just a little.

Well....

2009-05-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while since I last wrote here. Part of it is due to me not having a moment to write when I'm awake (ah, kids. Four year old kids.) The other part is I have done absolutely no karate for over three months. Ugh. That hurts.

I miss is it. Miss the kicking, the punching, the throwing to the ground. I miss the sweating and the intensity. I miss working out until I fall over.

Alas, pregnancy has put a bit of a damper on my martial arts, but that doesn't mean I can't go out into the yard and bust out some kata, right? That has yet to happen. Did I ever mention how terrible I am at following through on private training? Well, I suck at it! But that's no excuse. There have been moments when I perk up and become determined to do just a few kata, maybe just work on one and refine, refine, refine. Yeah, I talk a good talk....

I do adore kata, and we have some beautiful ones, but for some reason it just doesn't feel the same when I do them alone. I know, I know, moving meditation, improvement of the internal. For some reason I just stop myself from doing it. There is absolutely no reason why a pregant lady can't perform kata....I keep telling myself that anyway.

It's not all a lost cause, however. The weather is nicer and the grass is very soft. There's hope for this mommy karateka yet!

Life in Second Trimester

2009-04-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

Ah, second trimester. The floating time. No more nausea, no more bad taste in my mouth. And the realization that I'll never, ever go through first trimester ever, ever, ever again! Yes, two is enough. No more kids, no more being pregnant after this.

Also, a return to formal training. I've come to this realization that my path has come to a fork in the road. One way leads back to my first dojo, where I grew more than I ever thought possible. The other leads to a different dojo, where the growth could continue, but in a different way.

A fellow karateka and I were talking about this yesterday as we walked on the bike path. It was the first real exercise in a week for me (there's been a lot of sickness of the cold variety in our lives this winter. Yay preschool!) and it felt fantastic. It was warm, the sun was shining. There was this sense of possibility. We spoke about how we both had been struggling to find our way so far from our dojo. For me there was no reality to driving two hours south even once a week to train. For her it was becoming too much of a burden (she's been going to the Rutland dojo at least twice a week for over a year).

Then there was the issue of one of our sensei, Sensei Moe, visiting our town once a week. It was okay when the weather was agreeable. Then winter hit and he was no longer readily available to come and train with us. Of course our schedules always seemed to clash as well, and it was becoming this incredible pain in the tush.

We both realized it was time to chose a different martial arts path. Our current paths were creating tension and frustration. When I moved here I so desperately wanted to find another training avenue, but was not completely committed to become a permanent member since I was so faithful to my dojo. By choosing another dojo and committing myself to it's martial way seemed too much like being unfaithful to a long-standing relationship. However, I was also limiting myself.

It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, if I may be so cliche. Just because I will choose to become a committed member of another dojo once I'm ready to return to intensive training does not mean I have to let go of what I've learned. It does not mean I am no longer a member of my original dojo. If my life is such that I am not able to travel to that dojo, then I must find an easier way to continue my training. I'll still go to my original family for visits and parties. I am not forgetting where I started. It's just time to move on so that my martial way continues.

Pregnant karate

2009-02-17T12:50:00.001-08:00

Man, can we say whiny? Yeah, my last post was a bit glum, but I was not in a happy place. From now on I will only write in my happy place. That being said....

There has been this awful thing happening at my old dojo, the kind of thing where it will most likely be closing (along with the gym that it is housed in). Sensei is, in a word, distraught. I'm not going to go into it in depth out of respect for him. It's not good. That's all I will say. It makes me and the rest of my dojo family incredibly sad. We're all hoping he will eventually teach in some other venue. We all remain optimistic.

So I now move forward to find my pregnant karate. As happened with my last pregnancy, I am incredibly nauseous, all day long, even through the night. This, as you can imagine, does not bode well with focusing on anything other than getting through the day and onto the next. To go to the gym to do anything at this point makes me want to run and find a toilet. I'm going to attempt the treadmill tomorrow, or maybe Thursday, and see how it goes. It was all going smoothly until the serious nausea set in a week and a half ago. I'm hoping that it will go away once I hit the three month mark, which will be the beginning of April. I, as ever, remain positive in thinking this will happen.

There was this new dojo I was attempting to visit a few days before I found out that I was pregnant. Go check it out. I spoke with the sensei a few times and it really sounded quite incredible. It's mainly a weapons-based system, with a little taijutsu to boot. I've been looking for this type of dojo for quite a while. There are no true kobudo dojo in VT anywhere, and those who know kobudo teach privately. There's a lot of grappling techniques (of the jitsu variety) and some forms, but mostly fighting techniques. What impressed me the most was that the sensei travels at least twice a year to train with his teachers in Japan. However, the sensei was very apprehensive about me joining class being pregnant. Accidents happen, and I understand. What I would love to do is go view a class and then, perhaps, join once I'm back in the game. It's good to know it's available to me. Many of the other martial arts in the area just weren't speaking to me. I'm hoping this one will.

So, for now, I work on my pregnant karate and see where that takes me.
Maybe here:

I'm still here

2009-02-13T04:30:00.000-08:00

I find it so difficult to sit down and right here these days. Before, when I would pump out two blogs a week some months, I was working and had the time to sit and write. Now, I'm at home most days with my son and it's not so easy to sit down and put my thoughts into words.

Also, I haven't been doing any karate (except of course in my mind, but that only gets you so far). My life has taken this turn, and not so much for the better. Tough economic times have finally hit Vermont and my husband and I have found ourselves victims. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, it's just the way things are right now. We moved away from our solid businesses at the wrong time. Now he and I both are having trouble finding work. People aren't doing any construction or paying for regular massage these days. Everyone is pinching their belts.

To add to that, I am having another baby. While that is extremely exciting (we have been talking about it for months now, but it seems it was decided for us...), I'm very scared for our futures. I have been doing nothing but massage therapy for ten years and it makes me so sad to think I have to switch gears. But, we need to think outside the box. I'm also not sure what I'm qualified to do, but will do the best I can to find something to bring some money home. My husband has to do this, as well.

As for the nurse practitioner program, I have yet to hear. A little birdie told me we should be hearing this week. However, being due in early October means that I may have to postpone school for a year. That would be okay. The program had 120 applicants. They only accept 16. Crazy odds!

So, back to karate. There just hasn't been time or babysitters. Now I have to take it easier on myself. I still go to the gym three days a week. What I need to do is find time to do kata. Once or twice a week. That's all. I have someone to practice self-defense techniques with, but again, I need to be careful there. It will happen again. I just have to keep telling myself that.

The most important part of all of this is to remain positive. We're not the only ones going through this hard time. Some have it so much worse than we do. I just want to be able to stay in my home (we rent), stay in Burlington, pay the bills and eat. It hasn't reached the place where we lose those things, and it won't.

Where did the karate go?

2009-01-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

I've been asking myself that question over the past two weeks, which have been completely lacking in karate. My last class was given the week before Christmas (happy holidays, everyone! Hope it was fantastic) and it was a good one. Now I'm sitting here wondering where it goes from here.

There was this fleeting image of me going to another dojo to train, but since money has been very tight for us I quickly put it out of my mind. The next image was of me asking some of the people I work out with to be my guinea pigs. After all, I really just need some bodies to bend around a bit. Saying that, however, makes me think that's not such a good idea unless they've had some MA training first. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. The good thing about that is the unpredictability of someone with no MA training.

I've been itching to do more self-defense, and not so much kata. Did actually just write that? I know, I'm such a proponent of kata, but I've just been needing to push my boundaries a bit lately. There has not been enough practical, hands-on training in the last few months, and that has been bothering me a lot. One of my weakest areas is working off of a grab, any grab. I hesitate! It's awful.

The two women I train with present two very different aspects: one is about 6'2" and has had four years of training and the other is a beginner and more my height (which is just shy of 5' for me). The taller woman also has neck issues, so I have to be ever vigilant of how I take her down. It's time to recruit a guy to throw around! We also do not have padding, so the throws are very slo-mo. This presents a problem. Since we have to be extra careful there is more hesitancy in how we perform our moves. This does not help our reaction time.

I can say that I've been having a great time at the gym. Even though my karate training is on hold I'm still staying strong and loving every minute of it. I've spent some time over at RossTraining.com and have used a few of his training techniques in the weight room. I never thought I'd stick to a weight training regimen, but it's actually a lot of fun when you incorporate it with body weight training. I've also discovered the joys of abdominal exercises done on an incline. They are so much better than regular sit-ups, even if they leave you a bit sore the next day. Okay, a lot sore the next day.

Unfortunately I've also had to put Muay Thai on the back burner. My massage business is seriously lacking in clients, so no MT for a while. Not until I can get something off the ground and start bringing in some money. It's been hard, but it also takes a while to set up a successful practice, especially in an area that's saturated with massage therapists. It will happen and I will keep my thoughts positive.

Karate training will resume again once my students get back from break (they're both grad students at UVM). The challenge is where I put MY training into that mix.

My life

2008-12-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

Ooo, bad blogger! I've been very distracted with something quite important. See, I've decided to pursue another career, Nurse Practitioner. Here in Burlington, VT, we have this great university, the University of Vermont, where you can choose from a variety of subjects and then put yourself out there to (hopefully) be selected. We're talking the Graduate College, my friends. We're also talking about only 16 people being accepted into the MEPN (Master's Entry Program in Nursing) program.

Four weeks ago my husband and I were talking about how we needed to get ourselves into better careers. We're feeling the economy's strain quite a bit. He's a carpenter, I'm a massage therapist, not exactly recession-proof jobs. Plus, we just picked ourselves up and plopped down here to start over again in a time when money is tight and pockets are being pinched. It's scary and I often find myself short of breath. I told him that I was regretting not taking the opportunity I had seven years ago to go to medical school. His response, "Go for it now." I was a little taken aback, but my brain started turning. A few days later he came home and mentioned that a friend had suggested I look into becoming a Nurse Practitioner instead of going to medical school. The training isn't as intense and there's more need.

So, I did some research and found the MEPN program at UVM. The catch, a deadline of December 1. Also, I would need to take the GRE. That freaked me out! I had SAT flashbacks, and they weren't pretty. The thought of all of that math almost made me change my mind. Almost. They're scheduled for next Wednesday (I am able to take the test after the deadline as long as the rest of the application is complete and on time). The application made the deadline. Now I cross everything, and keep on studying for the GRE.

This, of course, now leads us into training. It's been minimal and that frustrates me. I have been spending much of my time studying for the GRE, writing a personal essay on why they should pick me (because I'm awesome, of course!). However, I'm still training, and I'm still teaching a new student. I'm also still taking the Muay Thai class, which isn't as scary as it used to be.

I have these training goals that I'm working very hard to stick with, and even if I don't manage to do all of them in one week I can say that for at least three days I kicked my butt. That makes me feel good.

Shiai!

2008-11-15T06:58:00.001-08:00

This past Wednesday I travelled south to my home dojo for a brown belt shiai. It was all guys. It was intense! This was the first time I'd been back to the dojo since moving, and it was great to see everyone. I miss the family terribly. However, I did have two new students join my small karate family up here last week. They were very excited when class was over and couldn't wait to train again. That happens today. It was a wonderful experience for me, teaching. I train with one of them again today (along with my friend, Tanya). We'll just have to see where this leads...

Now for some shiai pictures:

Getting ready to spar. And spar they did, for 40 minutes!

Ray (go to his website for a photo collage of the entire shiai) and Tristan.

Hasso (of Deadbooks fame) and Brownie (he's Jamaican).

Harry (he was going for purple) and JR.

Here's a funny put together by my dear friend, Kitt (she got her brown belt at the last shiai).

You'll notice that both Sensei Bottomms (on the left) and Master Morallo (on the right) have their eyes closed while Ray is performing his kata.

It was an amazing shiai, full of energy and great form. Master Morallo was impressed.

On a final note, I don't know how many of you have seen this video, but it's priceless:

Halloween

2008-11-04T18:58:00.001-08:00

Wow, three posts in two days. Can it be? I thought I'd share some cute pics of my boy going as Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. When I told him that I wanted to be Toph he stated that he wanted to be Aang, so I sewed our costumes to the best of my ability. He had the best time gathering candy; it was his first trick or treating experience. I love Halloween.

It's not ciabatta

2008-11-04T12:28:00.000-08:00

My good karate friend and former masochistic partner in crime, Ray Chen (check out his link. He's a chef, whose recipes show up in Bon Appetit) was kind enough to enlighten me on the ciabatta mistake. It's actual Tabata Intervals. Go here to check out these beauties.

My week

2008-11-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'll see how far I get in this post. Kiddo is watching Alvin and the Chipmunks and I'm just itching to write!

First off, last week was the best martial arts training week that I've had in a long, long while. I managed to do three trainings, plus a little extra cardio and heavy bag work. Yup, that's what I'm talkin' about!

It started with me needing to work on the Muay Thai kick that had perplexed my body the previous week. Nathan over at TDA Training made a great point, "As far as the kick, try not to think of it as a roundhouse, or any other technique in terms of what you know (I can tell that's what you're already doing), but always aim through the target. Follow-through, not control. There is a "snap" but it takes the form of a whipping type motion." He gave me this tasty morsel over at the Convocation of Combat Arts Forum. It's difficult to have your body do one thing when it's muscle memory tells it to execute it a different way. However, practicing the kick on a heavy bag was a good thing to do.

On Wednesday Sensei Moe came to Winooski for our weekly YMCA training, which a good friend of mine (Tanya) has also been attending. Brian was late due to a meeting, so Tanya and I just ran through kata, and I was seriously slipping up. It was a bit frustrating. Therefore, I've decided to dedicate my Tuesday free time (yay for preschool!) to kata run-through. I'm talking an hour and a half (okay, it will probably be closer to an hour. I'll work up to longer, I promise) of nothin' but kata, all the time. I've learned a new one, which brings my kata total to 16. I can't believe I remember all of them, but it's true what is said about certain movements becoming ingrained into your body the more they are performed.

Thursday brought another Muay Thai class, which was a bit easier this time around. We started with a light jog around the room, shadow boxing as we ran. Then Jared had us line up in the middle of the room, where we were then to do 10 burpees, 10 clapping push-ups (I stuck with regular since I have only recently begun to get back into push-ups since my shoulder problems) and 10 jump squats followed by four easy laps around the dojo. We did this four times. Then we went to the focus pads and worked on some combos and ended the class with what sounded like ciabatas (I know, that's a bread....I'll get the correct term). What that lovely sounding word meant was 20 seconds of all out followed by 10 seconds of rest done, I think, 8 times. I say I think because I lost count. The "all out" included punching focus pads, mountain climbers, burpees, and jumping jacks. These were performed as fast as possible. It was a great class.

And last but certainly not least I had the honor of attending one of Sabum Gordon White's Taekwondo classes on Saturday. I have to say that it was incredibly fun. We did not stop moving from the time class started until it was over. Kicking! Gordon had us doing all kinds of great kicking drills, and I was so excited to do them, I'm not kidding! What I do have to mention was the cordiality of all his students. They were incredibly kind and respectful and made a point of introducing themselves to me and asking me about my karate style. The class was also structured very traditionally, which gave it a high ranking score in my book. I'm hoping to return soon and have some more fun with Taekwondo.

Phew, that's it. It's a new week with new training possibilities. Other than that it's me working on getting a massage practice up and running so that we have some extra bucks, which, at this time in our history, is a very needed thing.

Ugh...

2008-10-24T13:39:00.001-07:00

I've never been so sore, not since field hockey practice, and that was back in the late '80's!

When I was a field hockey player back in high school, we would start training two weeks before the beginning of school. I knew the day that school ended that I would have to begin exercising to prepare myself for field hockey. Did that ever happen? Not once.

You think I would have learned from the previous year what the first day of practice was like. My coach, Sandy Adams, was a hard-ass, and rightly so. We had one of the best teams in Washington County, NY, and always made it to sectionals. The first day of practice started bright and early at 7am, rain or shine. We ran, a lot. We sprinted, jogged, sprinted, passed a ball around up and down the field, those of us not ready gasping for our breath. She even came up with this exercise we lovingly termed "killers": sprint one end of the field, grapevine up a side, sprint the other end, skip down the other side, and then sprint diagonally to start all over again. I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but you get the picture.

The day following the first practice I could barely walk, and we had to go back to practice and do it all over again. Eventually I would stop being sore and began to be in great shape.

Last night as I left my first ever Muay Thai kickboxing class at Vermont Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I was reminded of those long-ago field hockey practices. I was shaking, queasy and had a difficult time unlocking my car and seeing straight. This made me laugh, because when I had pulled into the parking lot I was full of jitters! It was crazy. I'm not sure why I was nervous, maybe since this was something very foreign to me (or the fact that I fear going places where I know no one)and I just didn't know what to expect. It also could have been precognition.

As I walked in I was impressed by how nice a dojo this was. It was in this large warehouse, so there was a lot of space for training. I arrived at the end of BJJ class and watched a bit as everyone rolled around on the floor and thought to myself, "I really have no desire to train in this" (sorry Steve!), but was enthralled by how it was done. So the class ended and those of us who were masochistic in nature entered the room.

We began innocently enough with three one minute rounds of ab exercises, rocking on our backs with hands and legs extended, pushing our hips off the floor. Part of me felt this wasn't going to be so bad. We then progressed to pad training, with the first combination of jab/cross/hook/roundhouse. Now, I should stress that the roundhouse used here is very different from the karate roundhouse that I love to do.
Here's a good example:

The mawashi geri that I've used has more of a snapping action to it instead of throwing your hip into it. Needless to say, it took some getting used to.

As I was hitting the pads I realized how much I missed training this way. I also realized how long it had been since my body had felt this kind of training. There were quite a few moments where I needed to catch my breath. I believe the term "sucking wind" could have been used.

The next combination involved the above, but with a twist. Another cross was added after the left hook, followed by a strike to the left inner thigh and then immediately followed by a roundhouse kick. Phew. We did not do as many of these, so I was spared the embarassment of wheezing. We ended the class with 10 repetitions of 10 punches followed by 5 burpees. Burpees! I got through four rounds before my muscles gave out, but I did manage to pull off two more rounds.

As I type this I can barely get my fingers to work. Last night when I got home my hands were shaking, and I don't mean with the nervous jitters. I haven't punched like that in months. Does this mean I'm never going back? Of course not! That was the most fun I'd had with that type of training in a long time. It's also been very needed in my life. As I've mentioned before, I love to push myself (I know I should link back, but I need to finish this so that I can stop typing), and the harder the better.

Next week it begins. I will be training karate three times a week! I'm so excited. I will also include the Muay Thai training. My son will begin pre-school, which is three days a week, giving me at least nine extra hours, which means at least one hour on two of those days to do karate training. Two of those days I will be training my friend, and one day Sensei Moe come up to make us work. Ah, it's never felt so good!

Back again

2008-10-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it's all over. Poppy was buried yesterday and I'm at peace. It's just been an awful time for me, but now I'm coming through the fog, into the clearing. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I actually got to train on Wednesday, which was fantastic! My health has been shady as of late due to all the stress I've been under, but that did not stop me from karate. We did lots of kicking, which felt so good to do. I haven't had the energy, and it's been frustrating. Now, I'm ready to get back to my training!

There are a few corrections about my Wing Chun teacher, Dan Leahy that I need to make. He did not learn Wing Chun in China, but in Chinatown in NYC. He studied Lee Moy Shan and Vingrove A. Thomas (Lee Moy Shan's top student) from 1977 to 1989. Then from 1989 to 1992 he studied T'ai Chi with Dr. Nan Lu (Chan style). Sifu Leahy of course found my blog while googling his name and asked to make these corrections to make my info accurate! Thank you!!

Wing Chun has been such a wonderful addition to my training. So far I've learned just a few things, but they are already becoming a part of my martial art. That's as much as I can write about it at this time. It hasn't been long enough for me to really dig into it yet, but I plan on making it a regular thing in my life.

I'll be back into the blogverse soon. My brain is finally able to make the creative connections again and the ideas are coming to life!

Poppy

2008-10-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

This will not be a martial arts post today.

This past Friday I went home to be with my grandfather, Poppy. He's had this insidious thing known as cancer and went downhill very quickly last Wednesday. Not wanting to die in a hospital bed, he went home on Friday morning, where they began the morphine. When I arrived that evening he was taking quick breaths in through his mouth, his false teeth were gone (I never knew he had false teeth! Apparently he lost all of his teeth when he was 19. Go figure...), and he was unresponsive. I sat next to him and held his hand, softly murmuring in his ear that I was there and that I loved him very much.

That night will be in my memory forever. The women of the family were there, tending to him, touching him, giving him more morphine and ativan to keep him as comfortable as possible. In the past month cancer had spread to his spine, making for a very painful existence. Poppy should never had gone this way. He was an extraordinary human being. So compassionate, so full of love and life. Always joking, whistling, saying "This is the happiest day of my life". Aw, I'm so sad.

This whole journey with death has really had an impression on me. It has made me notice how circular life is: birth to death, which is really another birth.

My grandmother had called a priest that night, being that Poppy was Catholic, since she felt that he would have wanted that before passing on. It was the most intense moment of my life so far. We all gathered around him. I was holding his hand and had my other hand place on top of his head. The tears were streaming down my face as the Father read the last rites, Irish brogue and all. I have never been so present, so in the moment, as I was at that time. It was beautiful. We all should experience that; it was humbling.

Throughout the evening my mom, aunt, sister and I would take turns sitting with Poppy. My grandmother went to bed. She had had enough. I spent most of the night on the couch in the same room as Poppy, and my mom was in the recliner next to me. As I lay on the couch, listening to him breathe, all I could think of was him taking his last breath. Every time he gurgled and coughed my mom and I would sit up straight, our bodies tense, the only thought, "Is this it?"

When morning came I decided to go back to my parent's house to try to get a little sleep. My aunt needed to go home as well, but before she left she told Poppy that it was okay to go. Not five minutes after she left Poppy did let go. My grandmother had been sitting with him and noticed that his breathing was very, very shallow. She walked out to the other room to ask my sister (who is a R.N.) to come and listen to Poppy's heart. When they returned to his side his heart had stopped.

A little while later my mom, sister and I dressed Poppy in his clothes. We put on his Redskins T-shirt (his absolute favorite football team. They better win the Superbowl this year!), his underwear, his jeans with the ironed crease (yes, he ironed his jeans. I believe he even ironed his underwear), his sox. Then my sister and I rubbed Nivea cream on his arms. He used to call it supercream. It smelled so good. Then my sister, brave soul, put his teeth back in.

It will be very hard to not have Poppy in my life. He was someone you could look up to, someone who you wanted to mirror you life after. It's sad when the world loses someone like that.

My Chaka Zulu Experience

2008-09-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Since Patrick Parker desires more info about my Chaka Zulu experience, I shall elaborate. This man stands no taller than 5'6", but has the presence of a very large dinosaur, the carnivorous kind. Think T-Rex. However, he moves like a puma, sleek and sinewy.

My Sensei, Jon Bottomms, spent some time training with Chaka Zulu and asked him if he would come to our dojo for a seminar. Luckily for us he said yes. What this man taught us was downright amazing. Most of his attacks were done with the elbows or grabbing the fingers. What Chaka showed us was an elbow routine, which I cannot for the life of me remember. This makes me quite sad, since it was this great flowing routine, with one elbow attack moving into the next in quick succession. I now people who still remember it, and it would be to my advantage to poke them about it. The seminar consisted of only those elbow techniques since there was a time limit. Since then there have been periodic trips to New Jersey, where he trains, but I have not been able to go. Maybe someday.

The thing I remember most about Chaka Zulu was his demeanor. He was so friendly, yet you could sense this fierceness about him, something almost feral. If you were to cross him you would most likely not live to see another day. I have not met many people who have that feeling about them, in fact it's just Chaka Zulu and Master Morallo (the man whose system I train in). There is just this energy they exude that says,"I will be nice to you if you are nice to me, but don't push it." They are constantly assessing their surroundings, who comes into those surroundings. That is the way I want to be.

On the teaching front, the wheels have begun to turn. If all goes well I may be teaching karate here within the year, or even within six months. It's so exciting, and brings up every single doubt I have about my abilities, both in karate and as a teacher. Yay self-esteem!

Chaka Zulu

2008-09-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

This is a video of Chaka Zulu that every martial artist should watch. Apparently my Sensei, Sensei Jon Bottomms, had everyone view this and it was forwarded to me. This is an amazing man. I had the honor of training with him about seven years ago and it was a great experience. The video is just over 15 minutes long, so sit down, take a breather, and let it soak in. It will be worth your while.

Where does my time go?

2008-09-18T06:47:00.001-07:00

And how do I reclaim it? The past week has been filled with chest cold loveliness and it's put a damper on my training, just when I was ready to get back into it all. This was not a surprise to me, with the move and the big changes, it's just damn inconvenient. Usually it's business as usual when I get sick, but not this time. However, it has lent me some time to just be here and not become obsessive about getting back into the swing of things.

I miss my dojo terribly. Miss the camaraderie, the trust, the routine. Put me on my own and I flail a bit until I get a new routine. This has been my goal in the past three weeks, but instead of giving myself time to stretch I've been impatient to find a new path in all of this. A spark arrived last week when I found out that the local YMCA was looking for a karate instructor. Fate? Coincidence? I'm not sure. All I know is, I'm not permitted to instruct in my style yet, but can be a second.

This leads us to Sensei Brian Moe (pronounced "moy"), one of the senior instructors of Koro Ken. He has said that he was willing to come to Burlington to train me and another student who lives here once a week. If he becomes the instructor at the Y, then I become his second and teach when he's not there. I'm not sure if all of this will work since he will not really get paid and can't charge a fee, which isn't very realistic. We shall see what happens.

Back to finding the rhythm of training. I have a place to train inside, have childcare, and have someone to train with (and also instruct at the same time since she's a green belt and will be testing soon.) There is also Wing Chun once a week, which will become a nice addition to my style. Then there's the conditioning that I want to do. Where does all this fit in when you have suddenly become a stay-at-home mommy? There lies the rub...

Again this brings me back to patience. I have very little of it and need to begin the practice of being here now instead of five minutes ago or five minutes ahead (or sometimes years ahead; to allow myself the space to breathe instead of doing it NOW. I used to meditate every day to keep my brain from running away on me and that all stopped once I had a child. However, meditating with a munchkin whacking you with a ruler he found on a shelf could be a great way to find inner peace.

Wing Chun

2008-09-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

Well, last night I went to my very first Wing Chun class, and even brought a friend! It was fantastic and it feels like the beginning of a new relationship. My friend was even delighted by what she experienced (she has experience with Judo and Kung Fu but hasn't trained in quite some time.) We began by observation, watching the first and second forms. As I sat watching I was amazed at how the Sifu moved and how simple those movements were. Every move came from the elbows, pooling the chi just below the bone. It was fascinating. Sifu Dan Leahy studied in China for fifteen years with a man whose name escapes me. So much was said and so many moves were shown that my brain couldn't quite keep up (I'm purely a kinesthetic learner.) The only moves we did were the vertical punching. It was very difficult to do. The move was so different from what my body has been used to, but the longer I did it, the easier it became. The rest of the class performed this punch 800 time. It was so intense!

What struck me the most was the simplicity of the moves. Every technique was performed from the center line of the body, with the waist providing the thrust. I'm so used to low stances, upper blocks, moving to the outside. There were some moves to the outside, but they were done very close to the attacker.

That's the other part, the closeness. Every block also contained a strike. It was done simultaneously, not with the block and then the hit. The kicks were all low. In fact, only three types of kicks were employed - front kick, upper rising kick and a side kick. Very simple. I can't stress that enough!

So, I'm hooked. Sifu was very engaging and full of information. You could see the passion in the way he moved. That's what I want in a teacher, not someone who professes his style is the best, but one who loves what he does and desires to pass along that information.

I was supposed to go train this morning in Rutland, but we ran into a SNAFU with the child-watching. You know what, I was okay. Before I moved I was so worried about continuing my training with Koro Ken, but now that I'm here I'm forced to see that I may not be able to train in that style (unless it's by myself) as much as I would like. I'm starting to feel that, and it makes me sad because before I left I was really in a groove. That doesn't mean I can't translate that groove into Wing Chun. Now that I know how to move and how it feels to move that way the transition from one style to another will be relatively painless, I hope. However, that does not mean that I will stop training in my style, just as often in the dojo.

A new home

2008-09-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I've landed. It's been pretty bumpy.

All in all the move went very smoothly and most of the boxes have been unpacked. There's still a few, but it's decoration, which we're not ready for just yet. The rooms have been dedicated, dissected, drawn in. Me, however, I'm feeling a bit lost. This is not a sob story, nor is it any kind of complaint. I'm feeling lost because I'm in a new home, a new area, one that' much bigger than I'm used to. Even though we have many friends here I'm feeling lonely for my old ways. Mostly the karate. It hasn't even been a week yet and I'm so itchy to find something. Next week, I say, it all starts next week. There's such impatience in my character and it's maddening!

Next Tuesday evening I'm trying out a Wing Chun class. I'm so excited about this because that is a martial art that I've been wanting to try for a very long time. Hopefully, it's a fit.

Then on Wednesday I'm driving south to Rutland to the mother ship to train and then speak with Sensei Morallo about training privately to begin my teacher training. This is the only way for me to stay in this system. However, their is another sensei, Sensei Moe, who is willing to come to Burlington and teach a class once a week. If I can train with Sensei Morallo and then with Sensei Moe I should be fine. What I need is sparring partners, bunkai partners, ippon partners. That just takes scheduling. A good friend lives directly across the street from us and she's had experience with Kung Fu and Judo so I may tap into her well of knowledge. I'm sure she'd love to scrap now and then.

So, it's starting and I just need to find my patience. I'm also not working anymore, which is another reason for feeling lost. I love having a schedule, having me time put into sections. It's just a little glitch. I'll get back on track soon...

Some thoughts...

2008-08-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl my mother was always telling me, "Karrie, you don't know your own strength." This response was given whenever I beat up on my little sister and brother, who would often gang up on me leaving me no choice but to rough them up a bit. I'm the oldest; they are just over a year apart. This closeness often led them to stick together. The reality was my brother followed my sister's every whim, at least until he was old enough to know better. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, it's just that when we were kids we didn't often get along, and my sister spent a lot of time yelling, "Mom, Karrie's going to hit me!"

Why do I tell that story? Well, I still don't know my own strength, be it too much or too little. Last week was spent sparring and sparring. This was due to our dojo having a shiai, specifically a shodan shiai. When it was my turn to spar the testee I felt so weak and ragged and my form was awful. I was wearing 12 oz gloves, which I absolutely detest. They are bulky and I have had difficulty hitting with them accurately. I feel like a clown, and when I get hit in the head, which happens way too often (okay, I'm barely 5 feet tall and I spar with people much taller than me, which results in my head being directly at the end of their punch. Yeah, yeah, evade, I know!), I want to scream! Needless to say I got some good hits to my face. On the other hand, I gave some great shots to the body. One of the important things we work on in sparring is to get used to taking a shot. Specifically, take a shot, give a shot. It works wonders. Practice it enough and it really happens.

Strength. There's a lot to that word. My strengths in karate lie in kata, kicking and ippons. Sparring is my weakness. Two weeks ago I took a class at the mother ship, where we sparred for the first 30 min. of class with absolutely no gloves. I shined. With no gloves I was strong. It was a defining moment: there I was, using mushimi to keep contact, taking people to the ground, all without gloves. It was so effortless and I was in the zone. I was also sparring with people who I didn't really know, which would normally make me incredibly nervous, incredibly doubtful of my technique. Sensei Moe, one of Sensei Morallo's senior instructors (he trained with my Sensei back in the day), said this excellent thing: you have to find what you don't like about karate and practice it until you love it. I took that to heart, and decided then and there that I would spar as much as I could with as many people as I could.

So last week....taking that mentality I went into the sparring with gusto. Even though I felt sloppy at the shodan shiai I still felt happy about it. It was the next day where I faltered. I was "shark bait" at the end of class, a class where we spent most of our time "working the meat", meaning really getting into how horse stance is performed, moving the muscles around to the correct positions. It hurts, a lot. After all of that work I sparred for one minute with 8 different students. At first everything was fine, and even though I had on the 12 ouncers I was able to keep my form. The levels varied from expert to the very, very new, which gave me a wide range of technique to work with. The very last person had on the biggest, bulkiest gloves I had ever seen. Whenever they hit my head it was like being bonked with a pillow. I have never been as frustrated in karate as I was at that moment. When Sensei came back into the dojo (he had left while I was sparring) I was ready to scream. He saw I was flailing and stepped in to spar with me. At that point I was done, the tears were already falling down my cheeks. I bowed as quickly as I could and ran over to the door, where I knelt down to collect myself. It was very difficult to control sobbing that wanted to come out of my chest.

Why was my reaction so strong? It goes back to strength. Last week was a very difficult week for me. There has been a lot of processing going on inside of me that has to do with moving. The day I lost it was the day I was done. I didn't have much left to give. It was also the best thing that happened to me. After I collected myself I went back to sparring with Sensei and I had a clearer head. Of course I wasn't done crying, but I was able to keep it together for the rest of class. If there's one thing I take from my training, it's how well I've come to know myself through karate.

Since I've been gone....

2008-08-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

It's been too long!!! I decided that instead of a post (see I'm having a hard time finding the time for quality posts and most of the time I start to tear-up, then get frustrated and turn off the computer) I will entertain you with some youtube finds that made me laugh when I needed to laugh. Just remember, we all need to laugh at ourselves every once in a while....

And remember, there's much more to martial arts than fancy footwork.

I'll be writing posts again soon. Right after I move....

Exhausted

2008-08-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

That's it, I'm finished, done, kaput. I want no more of packing, no more of stressing about anything. We move in three weeks, and in those three weeks I have 12 full days of massage to do. It's daunting, overwhelming. It leaves no time for posting. This is my apology for not getting to post in the next three weeks, in the expectation that I will not be writing much at all. If I do write I will try not to complain too much about how much I hurt, how hubby and I are ready to throw each other out of the highest window we can find. It's not that bad, just a little crazy! My grand plan is to have another blog about our moving adventures, which will mostly be for my clients and family since to keep in touch will all of them at once is never going to happen. I'll put the link here so that I won't be repeating myself....

And now, the last Deadbooks teaser. Premier is August 18 at deadbooks.com

more deadbooks

2008-08-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

Oh, I'm late with this...

Season premier is coming soon!

Haiku

2008-08-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

How can I post words
When life is frantic, like
Willow strands breaking.

Karate is fun,
Sweating now my passion,
Life is so much fun.

Tales of a JOP

2008-08-02T04:27:00.000-07:00

That means Justice of the Peace. I was "voted in" almost two years ago as one of the JOPs in our small town. Someone had called me and asked if I wanted to be on the ticket that election year since they needed another Dem so I said "sure, why not". Well, it's been a rather simple adventure, with only ballots to count (yeah, we're that small). Today, however, I'm going to marry two people. It's a very strange thing. Last night we had the rehearsal and it was a small, powerful feeling to run a ceremony that will eventually end up in two youngsters (they are both no more than 21, if that) being joined together hopefully for as long as they live.

The interesting part is the glow that I'm feeling, and also the butterflies that I'm desperately trying to will into non-existence. I really do not like public speaking.

Well, now it's all over. It went by so quickly, and I was so elated. It's an amazing thing to marry two people...now let's just hope it lasts. I know that may sound slightly pessimistic, but these two were barely 20, and they had a baby a year ago today. There's hope, and I'm feeling it. I just wish for them to feel it, too.

Boy, could this post be any further from karate or what? My life has begun to cycle towards moving and my brain is very frazzled. Every morning I wake up and say to myself, "Just focus on today", which is becoming increasingly more difficult to do. What keeps me going is that I only have to massage my hands off for four more weeks and then I'm done for an unspecified period of time. That is a wonderful thing.

Last Thursday when I got home from work (two massages in the morning followed by an hour and a half karate session followed by a two hour break leading into three more hours of massage. Ouch) there was nothing ready for me to eat. I'm not getting into that, not here. As I was mashing up two hard-boiled eggs in preparation for an egg salad sandwhich I started to cry. Not exactly sobbing, but close. My body was in so much pain. It happens sometimes, and I roll with it, but not this time. I put down my fork, marched through the house and announced, "I'm going to take a bath RIGHT NOW" and proceeded up the stairs. My little one joined me and I found instant relaxation.

Massage is very hard work, and it's even harder when you do karate in-between all the clients. It's even harder when you're a mom and married. There's not much left to me at the end of some days. My massage is not fluffy, it's straight to the point and it gets a lot done in one hour (sometimes an hour and a half). The whole time I'm focused on the person and the muscles and where those muscles attach and why are they acting so silly?! Ugh. I do love it, I just need a break.

Okay, now for the karate. We have a shiai on August 20, which I am so happy about. It will be the last shiai for me, and now that I'm a shodan I get to watch and support instead of sweat. I'm sure that I'll be able to make furture shiai, but not as a full-time member of my dojo. They are always so much fun. Hopefully, I'll have some pictures to share.

I've decided that when I finally get settled I'll spend some more time on my posts and post more regularly. I enjoy writing. It's cathartic. Plus I learn a lot about myself and my karate journey the more I write about it.

short

2008-07-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

Well, here's the next youtube installment of "DeadBooks". This should be a very interesting ride. I'm going to continue to promote it until it launches, so you have been warned...

The move is moving along. I'm very, very, very excited to finally get up to the Burlington area. There's just so much more up there for my family.

This will be short and sweet. Life has just been very crazy lately (plus it's my busiest time of the year for massage) and I'm hoping to get to a post I'll call "Female MMA fighters". There's so much more to it and it's rolling around in my brain. It will take some time since I have to find videos, quotes, etc., but it will eventually make it to the page.

Just know that class is still of the caveman variety and I'm all over CrossFit. Thanks to Steve...

Maybe even go as far to say that I'm thinking about getting certified....yeah, certifiably crazy!

Deadbooks

2008-07-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, a dojo mate of mine is about to do something fantastic. It's a series called "Deadbooks" and must be seen by gazillions of people:

Not only is this guy a talented writer, he's also an amazing martial artist. As are his wife and two young sons (young, one is on the verge of teenagerdom! Go family martial artists!). I'm thinking there are some scifi/fantasy people out there in the MA world, and even if you aren't you should definitely stay tuned. I know I'll be watching...So, all of you head on over to deadbooks.com and place it in your favorites. Prepare for greatness.

You can blame me for the caveman

2008-07-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, the day after the MA blogger roundtable hosted by TDA Training, I hopped on over to Rick's Kicks Boxes for a viewing of a blog that I haven't really spent much time reading. What I discovered was Caveman training. That same day I mentioned this new discovery to Ray, a san kyu in my dojo, who I train with in-between class days. We tried out some of the aspects of this type of workout: do something fast, lift something heavy, hit something hard, hold something and explode. Needless to say we were both breathing very heavy by the time one round was finished (and he's one to run up a mountain for fun). There was also a white belt there, and she, too, was breathing hard. I discovered I felt great after the punishment. Even though it was one of the hardest training experiences for me it really felt good to do it.

I've written before about trying to find new ways to eat and train for martial arts. I really love to push myself, often beyond what a "normal" person would take. For some reason my body really does well with that type of training. I do not, however, do it more than twice a week since I do have to work and still go home and have some of "me" left over for hubby and cute little boy. The trouble is, I rarely do this on my own. I usually do the tough stuff with other people or in the dojo. I find it hard to kick my own butt, and that's something that will need to change once I move.

In the beginning I will have to train mostly by myself. There will not be time at first to find a new dojo to train in, and I'm thinking that I may lay off on that for a while. I have a friend who used to train in our dojo who has moved to Burlington as well, and she's very excited to have me in the area. So, I will also train with her, plus I have a big yard and the snow won't be here for at least another month (Hee, hee. That actually starts around the beginning of November). There is also the possibility of travelling an hour and a half south to the Rutland dojo, too, at least once a week. I will need to come up with my own Caveman regimen to follow, and stick to. Perhaps said friend will be into that as well.

The absolute worst thing for me is to have my training schedule broken apart. Therefore it will be of utmost importance to get one going as soon as I get to Winooski. I admit it, I get lazy. I can picture karate in my head until I go blurry, but that doesn't get me very far in the training world. I have this plan to go to a Wing Chun class once a week, but that's not enough. If I set the goal to do the Caveman-like training at least twice a week, Wing Chun once a week, Rutland once a week and maybe another day with my friend in Koro Ken, perhaps I will escape the I-don't-have-the-time excuse.

So, I blame me for the Caveman training we went through in class today. Sensei had found one, too, separate from the one I discovered. Now he's all fired up about it, and it's a good thing. We hopped over punching bags, ran from side-to-side, did sit-ups on an incline while punching at the top of the move, held a medicine ball and swung it down over each leg, jumped rope, and lifted heavy bags as you would a tractor tire. Each station was performed for one minute with a 30 second break in-between them. This went on for at least 45 minutes. Kata was next. Then we all took turns being attacked by the rest of class one at a time. At one point Sensei came up behind me and grabbed me, completely taking me by surprise. I fared just fine. It's amazing how much faster your body reacts when it's wiped out.

Popularity

2008-07-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

First off, I must say that in my last post I wrote of my desire to be a fighter. This, my friends, is pure fantasy. A few of you even commented on the fact that fighting may not be the best course for me to take, and I wholeheartedly agree (I'm not sure if there's a hyphen between those two words, so just let it go). The training aspect is more important to me. Of course I want to fight in a real situation! That does not, however, mean I'm actually going to do it. I can picture it now: the crowd cheers as I enter the room, swaggering down the long runway to the ring (in this scenario I am not wearing skimpy clothing or a skirt. There's a post in that sentence somewhere, I just know it!) As I enter the ring I peer over at my opponent, a good foot taller than I am, at least ten years younger and bursting with muscular fortitude. I feel a warmth on my inner thigh, and look down to see me peeing on myself in front of a cheering crowd. Seriously, this is not something I will pursue, at least not in the ring.

Popularity. By that I mean blog popularity. I've been taking BBM's Blogging 101 course and it has begun to change the way I view (and write) my blog. I certainly recommend it to anyone who blogs, not just MA writers, even if you've had your blog for a while. It's given my blog direction and inspiration. It has also instilled in me this desire to be popular. I WANT people to read my blog and like what they read. I want to know who visits me, what they do, why they popped on over to my place. At the same time this feeling shames me (that's hyperbole, people). I'm embarrassed to say that I want many readers to follow what I write, hanging on every sentence, coining key phrases. Am I turning into a blog monster?

Writing, to me, was always this cathartic thing, where I poured my heart out onto a piece of paper. I wrote of all the wrong-doings, the heart breaks, the periodic poetic inspirations. When I started blogging all of that began to change. Complete strangers would now be reading about how sweaty I got in class or what I was eating to maintain my body for training. Who would want to read about that? This, needless to say, made me VERY self-conscious of what my subject matter would be with each post. Should I be witty or serious? A little bit of both? I began to view myself as a writer and decided that I was going to make damn sure that what I wrote about was somewhat interesting.

The more that I write in my MA blog the more that I'm finding that it's really, really important to keep to what I know. However, there are these lingering ideas inside of my head that are dying to come out in blog form, and they will. They just need a little more effort to create. Blogging is so much fun and I enjoy the evolution that is taking place with mine.

I suppose that popularity really isn't all that important. I just want to be liked! That sounds pretty desperate and is just a little sarcastic. What IS important is that I'm a respected MA blogger, not just a chick who writes about beating people up, and liking it.

Fighting, a passion

2008-07-11T13:52:00.001-07:00

I have this secret desire. It involves training hard. It involves focusing like I've never focused before. I'm talking about this (the fight starts at 2:30, so just skip over the reality stuff). Yup, it's fighting in a ring with nothing but my wits, my technique and a pair of small gloves. I'm not talking about MMA, either. MMA is okay, but I like Muay Thai fighting better. It's quick, it stays up, there's no ground and pound. The techniques are finer, especially when using elbows. This is my opinion. Plus I really love to kick and use my knees and elbows. I'm short, it suits me.

I must admit that I love watching Gina Carano fight. She's got great form, but her Muay Thai fighting is so much finer and smoother than the MMA she does. The best thing about Gina's fighting, she takes no prisoners (she's at the end of this montage, the one who's fighting isn't at all sloppy). She keeps her balance, she's grounded, she's got a mean hook. I absolutely love it! Another impressive fighter is Kerry Vera. This is a great fight, and pay close attention to the knockout. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any recent information about Kerry and am not sure if she's actually in the fighting circuit. Such a shame....

What is it about this violent sport? Why does it get me revved up the way it does? It involves getting hit, and getting hit pretty hard. It involves possible broken bones, and definite bruises. It involves the shedding of blood on more than one occasion. Maybe it's the fact that it's all about you and what you can do, your power and your strength. I know I write a lot about moving from hara and kata being the best thing for training, but way down in the pit of my stomach is this tiger who really, really wants to fight. It could be I want to see what I'm made of, to see what would happen if I were to step into a ring with another woman. Fighting in that capacity intrigues me, it's that simple.

There is, of course, a caveat: the older you are, the harder it is to recover from injury. I'm 36, a bit old to be getting into this type of sport. My body does not recover like it used to. The training for Muay Thai is very difficult and would take a considerable amount of time out of my week. Would my body be able to handle that kind of beating? My right shoulder was injured not long ago and has healed very nicely (two months of PT and one Corisone shot later) and I've finally been able to get back into harder training. This past Tuesday I hurt the left one while throwing a 250 lb. man off of me (we were practicing the throw where someone is sitting on top of you holding both of your arms down). What would happen if I followed this passion to fight? It's one thing to be 26, but 36 is a whole other ballgame.

My age, of course, would not stop me. I'm not sure if I'll pursue this dream. Burlington has a Muay Thai training program, fighting included. It may be something I train for only and never enter a ring surrounded by a cheering crowd.

It's going to happen

2008-07-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

We actually have a place to move in to. I never thought it was really going to happen. See, I'm pretty good with denial and although I'm excited to go to a much bigger town (small city, actually) I'm secretly scared out of my pants. The apartment, however, is more than we could have hoped for. It happened on a whim, really.

This weekend was meant for relaxing, seeing friends, swimming in pools, dripping with sweat because it was so darn hot. However, the fates decided to throw in a visit to a place directly across the street from a dear friend. Not only is our new landlord down-to-earth, but she's an artist, a really good artist. Located in Winooski, which is a stone's throw from downtown Burlington, the house was built on two lots, which means the yard is to die for. We have the entire downstairs, which consists of a HUGE kitchen (yay for me, I love to cook!), three bedrooms, a cute bathroom (tiled and everything) and a basement for storage. There are all sorts of creatures thrown about the yard and gardens, which were created by the landlord. She lives upstairs, but leaves for the winter. It's perfect, really, so why do I have this hollow feeling in my stomach? Did I actually think this was really going to take place?

I thought that I did. I also thought that I was okay with it.

The scary parts: moving away from my family, leaving my massage business (which will be sold for some amount to another massage therapist), leaving my dojo.

Leaving my dojo.

That makes me a little crazy on the inside. Although, one of the senior instructors has informed me and another woman (who has also recently moved into Burlington) that he will come to us to train us. He's very, very good, up there with Sensei Bottomms. It would be an honor to have him. Plus I have this great yard, which is surrounded by these stately hedges, to train in. It's like this secret dojo....

So what happens in the winter?

I've written about finding another dojo and I really don't want to. Wah, I don't want to (picture me stomping my feet)! That's purely BS, I will look for one and will most likely start with Kung Fu. Sensei Morallo has mentioned that, unfortunately, the guy who teaches at this particular school is better at acupuncture, but to give him a go anyway because it really is all about learning. I'm finding that as a shodan that's the most important thing. Okay, that's a whole other post, so stay tuned.

There's also this grand plan to travel with my friend to Rutland to train at the mother ship, perhaps twice a week. However, this woman is single and has no children. Maybe in fairy land this could potentially happen. The Trick is for me to find childcare since hubby will now be taking over all the earning in our family.

Yikes...

This brings us 'round to me not actually believing that moving away from my ten year stint in the town I was raised was actually going to take place. It's a comfort thing. This realization does not lessen the high level of anxiety that I am now feeling. No kidding, kiddos, my anxiety is in the General Anxiety Disorder category. I'm not that crazy, just a little. When the stress gets up there I have a hard time functioning. All I have to do is get back onto my regular training schedule and everything will fall back into place.

See, I've been sick all week and have been unable to train as much as usual. This makes me cranky. Who wouldn't be cranky! Place on top of that cranky cake a few sparkly candles and you might get an explosion. I will be okay, I will be okay, this is a positive move....the more mantras the better.

Alright, now that I've vomited that forth I feel much better. The move is going to happen and I will be happy once it is all over. What happens next is the adventure of a lifetime.

A very cool video

2008-07-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

Check this out. This is a compilation of pics put together by a kohai of mine pertaining to our Sensei's godan shiai this past winter. It's what we're about, baby!

Fear

2008-06-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

Where does fear come from exactly? Is it purely an instinctual reaction or something much deeper, and is there such a thing as deeper than instinct? The fight or flight reaction is based in the instinctual part of our brain and surfaces in times of extreme stress, but does fear also reside in the same house? There seem to be so many levels that contribute to this response: the instant fear, the phobia, the I-should-really-be-afraid kind of fear.

When I began my karate journey I was afraid to perform solo in front of the class. After a while, through diligence and repetition, that fear eventually subsided. However, there's still the hint of sweaty palms, the racing heart beat every single time I get up in front of the class to perform a kata alone. Fear, in that sense, remains instinctual. I don't think about it, don't recognize that I'm afraid, yet I still feel the anxious body reaction as I stand in front of the class, ready to spring forth like a tiger.

There was also the fear surrounding sparring with another person. In our dojo the introduction to sparring for new students is with bunkai. This means one person throwing a specified strike and the other performing a specified defense technique or combination of techniques. The fight or flight response was so present when I was new to bunkai, and yet again I still feel it insinuate itself into my stomach to this very day.

Fear is a very complex emotion and to overcome that fight or flight response, the dumping of adrenaline and cortisol, is a very difficult thing to do. These days I enjoy sparring, although not the heavy kind where you need gear in order to prevent serious injury. I find that slow-flow is a much better way to hone sparring skills because you work on controlling the adrenaline dump, are actually forced to, in order to remain calm and relaxed. As soon as you stiffen up the fight or flight response has won and the energy it takes to get back to center can wear you right out.

There is also a whole other type of fear, the one related to your children. My son is an extremely active boy, climbing, running, dare deviling. With each of those actions I find my heart thumping against my chest, my palms sweating up a storm. I often have to control the impulse to go scoop him up in order to prevent him from slamming his head into the ground or falling off of a rock. There have been bruises and bumps, but that's all a part of growing up. With him there seems to be very little fight or flight involved in many of his actions.

The desire to experience far outweighs the desire to prevent injury.

He's three. Where does this begin to change?

I love the fact that he's so active and willing to explore, yet at the same time I keep finding more gray hairs underneath the red than I would like. It also takes an immense amount of energy to control the adrenaline dump when you are a parent. Perhaps this is why I have found it easier to do in karate class lately. I get plenty of practice at home.

What I did on my summer vacation

2008-06-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

I was here. It was good. Seriously, vacation was much-needed and it's too bad that it couldn't have been a bit longer. However, there is only so much time one can spend with one's family before one gets really agitated. I spent Tuesday through Saturday of this past week at this amazing lake house with my entire family. We go there every summer at the end of June. This house sleeps at least 30, so there's plenty of space, but three crazy kids and six crazier adults can make for an exhausting time. Don't get me wrong, folks, I had a wonderful vacation. We had one solid day of rain and the rest was sunny and partly sunny. Not bad for early summer in Vermont. I was also able to attend a karate class (man, I just can't let it go, even for one darn week....) at the mother dojo. It was so amazing. The class was a toughie and focused primarily on kihones, especially kage uke along with sebake and sudiash and following through with a seiken tsuki. We then translated that while receiving a punch to the head, using the kage uke and striking with mawashe tsuki to the temple, jaw or carotid artery. I lucked out and worked with Sensei Morallo, and it was so worth the time. He showed me how to root down with my rear leg and send the chi shooting up through the leg, up the back, along my scapula, down my arm and through my fist. The result was an effortless punch that packed a huge amount of power. This was the first time I was actually able to get it to work. I rocked the Sensei, yay me! Now I know how this man can send another man flying across the room with apparently no strength. My plan is to go to this same class every other week so that I can train with him in order to supplement the training with my Sensei. The two together will add so much to what I'm trying to learn before I move. What was so wonderful about this experience is that I finally "got" how to translate hara into my strikes and not just my movements. It was just a simple twist of the knee and hip, that's all it took.

Hara you doin'

2008-06-20T15:52:00.001-07:00

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how connecting with hara really, really improves your karate. It's a simple thing really: move from hara and the move is effortless. For me it's happened a lot lately, mostly when I'm teaching a technique to someone else. When I'm in that situation I'm not thinking about how the move works, I just do it. I show how the technique is supposed to go and spend no time thinking about it. It's the thinking that hinders performance. When my brain gets too involved in the technique it doesn't work the way it needs to. In our style both hard and soft movements are incorporated into the self-defense techniques. Go too hard and the technique falls apart. Go too soft and the technique has no substance. Somewhere in the middle lies a technique that originates from hara. For most of my karate career this has been an elusive feeling. It is now not quite so elusive, but in trying to teach someone else how to move from hara the "mysterious" properties have resurfaced themselves. It's really not magical but completely practical. However, how do you describe to someone who has no idea how to move in a karate way how to move in a karate way using hara? It's damn difficult. The thing is, you can't put your brain into it in that way, either. You just do it.

So, have you ever incorporated plyometrics into your martial arts training? We did the other day in class. Plyometrics are very exhausting, I tell you! Today my left calf is so sore I have a slight limp (yeah, yeah, poor me, I know. Don't cry for me, baby! I do this to myself...) and going down stairs is slightly challenging. I suppose it's time to incorporate them on a regular basis. They really are a beautiful thing, and for what they give you muscle performance-wise, it's worth the initial pain. The series we did incorporated an aerobic step. We jumped onto the top from a squat position, we jumped up and over from a squat position, we jumped up and over with a turn from a squat position. This and more. Ugh, it was awesome!

Well, I'm off to lovely Lake Bomoseen this week for some rest and hopefully relaxation. I plan on doing much playing about in the water, finishing a few knitting projects (I start them and never finish because I move onto something else. Hey, I get bored!) and read many books. It will also give me a chance to visit the "mother" dojo (I really have to find the right name for that) to train and talk to Sensei Morallo about opening up my own Koro Ken dojo. Ooo, so exciting!

Kung Fu Panda

2008-06-10T13:01:00.001-07:00

This weekend I took my son to his first movie. It was purely a selfish act, I'll admit that now. We saw "Kung Fu Panda". This was one great movie, with a simple, yet profound lesson for all you serious martial artists out there (and you know who you are...). Profound? In animation? Yes! It's a must-see, go now. Skadoosh!

What color do you wear?

2008-06-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Today I meandered on over to Charles James Sensei's blog and found a very, very interesting thing. The message was clear: not everyone who wears a black belt really IS a black belt. It got me thinking, am I a black belt or do I just wear one? My training over nine years has consisted of so much repetition, so many kicks, so many punches, and many, many rounds of kata. Does that time warrant me wearing a black belt? Recently I've begun looking back to how I felt when I first began karate, but it has been hard for me to re-capture the feeling of being really new. Now that I wear a black belt, do I feel a different kind newness? When I train now I always look to the new feelings that crop up with old moves. I'm constantly aware of how I'm moving, constantly aware that there is still so much for me to learn. There's also this itch to go so much further, and how does that happen? To me this signifies that I am a black belt. If I just wore a black belt, I believe that all of my actions would come from ego-elephantitis. I see it in my dojo, and it's not pretty. Not many have this, but when I see it I think that where I am coming from is so different. For me my training is about improving spirit, improving movement, improving skill, but also keeping myself humble and open to learning from my kohai. If I keep in mind that I'm always a new student whenever I enter the dojo, my training will always show me new things. This does not make the shodan path any easier to follow. In fact it has made it so much harder. I relish that difficulty because it makes me stronger.

You may have noticed that I deleted a few posts. When I wrote them I was coming from a place of anger and frustration. I feel that now I have resolved the issue I no longer need to be reminded of what happened. Going through that experience and conquering those feelings of inadequacy really moved me along in my training. I feel more confident in my teaching, more true to myself as a martial artist. I am indeed a black belt and earned every ounce of it. That, of course, does not make me an expert. On the contrary, I'm still a newbie.

Ah, I can breathe again

2008-05-27T09:57:00.001-07:00

Class was fun! We did a lot of defense off of grabs and relaxing into them. This has been my biggest battle, relaxing that is. I get so tense when I'm grabbed. My water needs to flow downhill...There was even a moment when I grabbed my sempai's leg and thought I was going to pick him up and throw him. Really, I did! Too much muscle. I'm forever muscling.

Finding a new school

2008-05-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

At the end of August my family and I will be relocating to the beautiful Burlington, Vermont area. This move, however, will result in a lot of change for me. This change consists of 1. leaving my 10 year massage therapy business that I built myself and 2. leaving my dojo where I have trained for 9 years. When my husband and I first started to plan this move I was resistant to this change and kept changing my mind about where to move to and when. After much thought and looking inward I have come to terms with the fact that I will be leaving the area where I grew up. This is not a bad thing. Burlington and it's surrounding towns offer so much more for my family, so much more for our future. My husband does not like where we live now and he does not have much of a future in terms of employment opportunities if we were to continue living here. He grew up near Burlington and longs to return to where all of his friends are. Me, I have my ups and downs. I know Burlington and lived there for five years when I attended the University of Vermont (where I got a degree in wildlife biology. Go figure) and to this day have wanted to return. But the sense of loss that I am feeling really pulls at my gut and there's a part of me that's just not happy to go.

The reason for this post is to write about leaving my dojo and my sensei. There will still be opportunities for me to train, just not on the regular schedule that I have now. My family lives here and I will be travelling here on the weekends, when I can attend a Saturday class. However, I am currently training to test for nidan, which I'm not sure I will be able to do once I move. Burlington has many, many martial arts available, but I'm used to forms and tradition. There is not one karate dojo, so maybe it's time I start my own (with permission from Master Morallo, of course). That, however, makes me a little scared since I do not feel I am ready to open a dojo where I am the head teacher. Yikes! There is so much more I want to learn first before I teach my style to strangers. It's going to be very hard for me to leave my dojo and the family feeling that I have cultivated there. My sensei is so extraordinary and that will make it difficult for me to find another place to train.

Most of the martial arts in Burlington consists of Kempo, more Kempo , Brazilian Jujitsu, Taekwondo, Aikido and Kung Fu. Kung Fu is where I am leaning since it is a form-based school and I have always been fascinated by this martial art. I tried a kempo school and it just didn't fit with what I wanted out of a dojo, although the self-defense aspect would be invaluable to my training. Kata is very important to me and through kata I have learned an incredible amount about how to move. Sparring is important, too, but I don't believe the Kung Fu school has this. I can always go somewhere else to fill that need. I have two friends who are both at the nidan level in Kempo and they are more than happy to spar. BJJ is also a possibility since I really like grappling, but have not had much experience. My body type is perfect for BJJ, but I'm just not sure if I want to put it through that kind of training.

So, the quest for a new school begins in September. In my heart I will not be leaving my dojo, and I need to open myself up for other opportunities. This will only further my experience as I travel down my martial arts path. It really is a Way for me, and I want it to continue on in that fashion.

Training in the grass

2008-05-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

I was asked to post a picture of my sensei that I mentioned in a previous post. Well, as soon as I remember to ask his permission I will do so. The picture is now in my computer and is awaiting approval...

Today I went to the local park with a dojo mate to train. It was clear blue skies, 70 degree weather, in other words, a perfect day for karate on the grass. This particular friend just started in our dojo this past fall and has yet to test for her yellow belt. However, the drive this woman has is fantastic. You can feel her excitement to learn, can almost taste her level of commitment (although I'm not really sure what that would taste like...maybe like a strong coffee.) It's always a pleasure for me to train with her, which most often includes me teaching. Today we reviewed our separate bunkai: Saifa for me and Empi, Taikyoko Shodan/Nidan for her. I've been wanting to dive into bunkai lately since we haven't been spending any time with the upper kata. This seems to happen a lot. We have some new people so we spend most of our class on the first four kata and the bunkai for each one. This is not a bad thing, mind you, since having those flow without thought is so important once you reach shodan. However, I have never learned all of the bunkai for most of my upper level kata and really want to have a working relationship with them. This would most likely require a private session with sensei, or at least an upper belt class. We have those. I'm working.

Anyway, we also worked on our kicks, especially the balance aspect related to kicking. I taught her inside/outside mikazuki geri (crescent kick) today. Those, besides mawashi geri, are my favorites. Yesterday she asked me to show her how to do spinning kicks and I originally told her no since I wasn't sure she was ready. I had her show me mae geri keage and kikomi and mawashi geri and she looked solid. So, I showed her the beginnings of a spinning kick after class. Although I do not use them in sparring I do feel they have value to balance training. Plus they look so fancy! I think that's why most beginners desire to learn them...

Balance training. It is imperative that a beginner learn this early (at least in my opinion). Balance is so important in every aspect of karate and to learn it and master it early on makes life so much easier. I often find myself standing on one leg and throwing a variety of kicks. I also train kicks very slowly in order to train hara. Some people really have to fight for balance and for others it's second nature. Karate training really helps those who have to fight for balance because the repetive nature really hones the muscle memory, specifically the proprioceptors. This, in turn, results in a more finely tuned movement where you are able to shift and change much easier and much faster. For example, today we also worked on me throwing punches to the face and my dojo mate lightly deflecting them with an open palm. At first she was plodding around on the grass, slapping my hands away. When I showed her that the hand movement was more like an instant contraction of an initially relaxed hand, she immediately changed her movement and the light went on. Then as soon as I showed her that when she was moving to use evasive maneuvers (sudiash and sabake ) she also quickly shifted. The result was a smoother, more attentive way of moving. I love it when the lightbulb lights up so fast.

Back to myself

2008-05-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

It always seems that when you have something that prevents you from training and you take a little time off and then return the class is sure to be a tough one. That happened today. However, I love these moments. There was a time when I hated it with a passion and would often feel like crying, like I couldn't hold kibadachi one more second. It was in those moments where I learned the most, especially how to breathe through hara, breathe into my ribs instead of my chest, expand the entire torso with breath. At that moment when you feel at your weakest you are actually at your strongest. There you reach mushin because your body physically can no longer hold on, but your spirit stays strong and guides you through the kihones. I went there today and it felt fabulous. There is this new picture of sensei sitting on the desk as you walk into the gym. It was taken at his godan shiai. In this picture he's covered in sweat and it looks as if he's about to fall to the ground from exhaustion. Upon closer inspection you notice his eyes, notice how sharp they are, and you notice he has reached mushin and zanshin, the perfect combination. It's an amazing picture. This is the place we all strive to be in during our training, and especially during those moments of physical discomfort and of self-defense. The place where it all "just happens", without thought, without ego. You are moving as an entire unit. I've discovered that this is a place not easily accessible, especially if you have any ego in your training. It is also a place where you must respect yourself and your abilities as a martial artist.

Tooth is out, back to training.

Pity me

2008-05-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm feeling very frustrated. Last Tuesday I had a molar prepped for a crown and afterwards everything went downhill. The pain I experienced was only quelled by 800mg of ibuprofen every four hours and a percoset to sleep. Then the right side of my face swelled up to my temple. I did go back to the dentist this past Saturday and he felt that I had had some reaction to the novocain injections (he had given me four. I haven't really been able to open my mouth, either...), but decided to put me on antibiotics just in case. Well, today the swelling is practically gone, but the pain is worse. So, I'm getting it pulled in two hours since the money for the root canal isn't there right now (we won't get into that. That's what my other blog is for). Pity me, right? I haven't been able to eat solid food for a week. When I attempted that the pain got much worse. This has affected my training, which #$%%$# me off to no extent. All the hard work I've been putting in, the time I've put in to heal my shoulder. All I want to do is get back to my push-up routine, my sprinting plus calisthenics! Argh! This extraction will go smoothly and I will be back in class on Thursday happy as a clam, with a missing tooth. I could say I got into a fight....and you should see the other guy!

Anyway, training is at a standstill just for the moment, but will resume. There's just a certain amount of venting I need to do with moments like these.

Kids shows

2008-05-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is a great clip. Our son, Griffyn, enjoys this show called The Backyardigans. If any of you have kids you probably have seen this and sing right along with the great tunes they come up with. This particular show is a favorite, and you'll see why. By the way, we went to see them live yesterday. You know you're a parent when you're more excited than your child is to go see a live showing of their favorite characters. Ah, parenthood...

Post delay!

2008-05-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

Oops, I meant to post long ago, but the days have gotten the better of me. The shoulder is doing fabulously and I've been a "good girl". Really. Most of the time when I'm injured it takes a straightjacket to keep me from doing the things I shouldn't. This time I know that if I don't follow the treatment rules I'll have to stop training, and that's just not going to happen. I think I would go crazy. Okay, very exaggerated. At the least I would be sad. So, what has been happening? I've begun a better diet more streamlined towards my training, which means during the week I'm eating 4-5 small meals with a protein/carb combo and limited fats. This has been only a little difficult since I'm the cookie queen. And the scone queen. And occasionally the ice cream queen. However, I'm allowing myself a day of indulgence. At first I thought this might sabotage my eating since I absolutely love to eat (it's a minor miracle that I don't way 300 pounds. Although knowing what I would look like at that weight certainly keeps me from going there...). I'm also working on doing other types of exercise, like yoga and power walking (you will never catch me running for fun) in order to keep the body going. My PT recommended that I now begin exercising to do martial arts since my age (36) will now prevent me from recovering the way I used to when I was thrown around in my 20's. The thing is I often find that my entire body hurts, sometimes in such a way that I can barely make it out of bed. He seems to think that it's more my body type (stocky, muscular, short tendons) and the fact that inflammation is causing most of my pain. Thus the change in diet. So far, so good. As soon as the shoulder is good to go I'll start doing vinyasa flow for a more dynamic stretch. I love to do them, they make me feel great.

Class has been going very well lately. I taught the other day. It's still so foreign to me to lead a class by myself. I'm so self-conscious and often feel that the students are getting nothing out of what I'm saying. Of course that's not true and it's just my inner-sabotager talking. I know that the more I do it the more comfortable I will feel. The other thing I do while teaching is participate while I'm instructing. This doesn't alway work, especially if you have new students who need to be watched and guided. So, I changed that tactic and it was for the better. If I want to open my own dojo in Burlington down the road, this has to become a comfortable thing for me to do.

Sort of side-lined

2008-04-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

About three months ago I was holding hand pads while sensei pounded into them. As he threw his right cross into the right pad I lost focus for a split second, the second where he connected and my arm flew behind me. Of course there was pain and I had to stop and hold onto my arm, but then continued on. That's always the case, hmm? You get hurt but then figure it's not that bad and keep going. Well, now that shoulder is not doing well at all and I requested physical therapy. I went today (he's also a good friend of mine and dojo mate) and while I can still do karate I cannot do many of the blocks and strikes. Anything that goes above my head or too far into abduction is not on the menu for the next four weeks. At least I can still train! I'm also forbidden to do push-ups and heavy bag training (at least with my arms. I can still kick!), which makes me sad since that's been my weight training recently. But, if it means my shoulder will get better and that I won't have to get a cortisone shot then I'm more than happy to make those small sacrifices. Train smart. As for the handstand push-ups, I got halfway down and back up, but now I have to stop those as well. The reality is I need my shoulder to heal so that I can continue doing karate the way I want to. That's the important piece. The lessons aren't only in how you train, but how well you keep your body going, too. Injuries are a pain but they can teach you to slow down and pay more attention. The world will not end if I can't keep up the level of training I want to for the next four weeks. It just means I now have the opportunity to work on those pieces that need polishing. No biggie.

You have got to believe

2008-04-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

You really, really do. Today I believed in my technique, in my self more importantly. The past two classes have been primarily on bunkai of Gekasai Dai Itchi and Ni. For Itchi there are five bunkai (at least in our system) and for Ni there are two. The very last Itchi bunkai has been difficult for me to get right ever since I learned it, oh, seven years ago. Today it just clicked. It finally went smoothly. The tricky part of this particular bunkai is to step straight back away from the punch (a chodan punch) in order to "suck" it into you (which forces the uke forward even more into their strike), while at the same time striking a pressure point found on top of the forearm (just below the elbow) with one hand and performing an uchi block with the other. It's like a windmill, or a whip, type of strike/block which results in the arm of the uke being thrown behind him/her. At this point you then move in for a double punch, one aimed near the bladder and the other at the solar plexus. Seems simple, right? Well it's not! At least for me it hasn't been. I've always performed it cautiously, aiming at the pressure point, making sure my uchi threw the arm back in a whipping motion and then moving in for the strike. Today I just decided to believe that the two hands moving in unison would find their marks. Well, it worked. Funny thing, belief. But you have to give yourself over to it and leave doubt completely out of the equation. As soon as my brain started to assess this move it would not work. In fact, I treated all the bunkai in this way today and it went so smoothly. Just let go, seems simple, doesn't it?

Aikido

2008-03-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

Oooo, class was so much fun today! Remember the student I was teaching and I got this weird vibe and all? Turns out he's actually pretty darn cool. He did aikido for seven years and today he taught our class. It was fantastic! I'd done some aikido before, but only briefly, but we have done the rolling and falling used in aikido in our dojo for as long as I can remember. I love the roll and today at the end of class boy did we roll! We also practiced the first escape you learn, and I have no idea what it was called. You use tenken stepping to move off to the side so that you are shoulder to shoulder with the tori and then step back using your arm to ward off and drop the tori. It's a beautiful move. I think all aikido is beautiful, but have never been around an aikido dojo. However, when we move I believe there is one near where we are going so I may just have to join. I love aikido, love the way the movements are executed. It suits my body. The best part is that it stresses the use of ki and hara, which is so important in any martial art. Muscle will only get you so far. Sensei remarked today how we will be doing more of this in the weeks to come. The trick is to practice it inbetween those days. So far I've incorporated another day in the dojo to practice. Now I just need more people to practice with. There's a kohai that's been practicing with me, but more bodies means more learning, but I'll take what I can get! This kohai is really good and he's a san kyu which means he's been around for a while. We'll see. Once the weather is tolerable we'll go outside to train, which I absolutely love. Soon enough.

It never really ends, does it...

2008-03-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was challenged on a few diffierent levels with a new student. Apparently this man had previous experience with judo and aikido but had not practiced in some time. First thing, used to those styles and not karate, which is a bit "harder". Sensei sent me over to him to go through eight point blocking. So, we commenced. Went into horse with him facing me and began the blocks. He then sat in a horse stance that was too low (down on my level, which is low since I was much shorter than he was) and leaned too far forward. I said, "you don't have to sit that low" and he shrugged his shoulders and stayed there. So I stopped with the blocks and corrected the stance. All this time I'm getting a very defensive feeling from him, and was not sure if it was me or really him. Moving on. I faced him again and this time he was standing upright. I asked him to get back into horse stance and he said, "Why." Hmm. My response was, "this is how we train. We stand in horse stance when we do blocks to train the legs and to train our bodies to get used to a different way of moving." No comment, another shrug of the shoulders. Then I stood in front of him and we both faced the mirror. I tried to move off to the side so that he could see himself in the mirror, but every time I moved he just moved back behind me. I noticed that he was watching me while we went through the blocks, if only to see the blocks. When I mentioned that he should watch himself in the mirror his blocking became much smoother. He also had asked me some other question that I cannot remember right now, but I gave him an answer that surprised me. I remember feeling surprised at how easily I had answered his question. This was an incredible learning experience for me because I've been having difficulty speaking clearly when I'm instructing. It is far easier for me to show the movement than to explain the movement. When I get into explaining I often say too much, add too many things into the equation. This time I did not do that and I was definitely put on the defense with how he was taking my instruction. I'm glad for this experience because I'm sure it will not be the last time I will feel this way. Lessons come when you need them. I'm not sure what the defensive feeling was. Maybe because his reactions seemed a little lackadaisical and it bothered me. Or that could just be who he is. I was only with him for five minutes tops, but first impressions are made within the first seven seconds (or something like that) of meeting someone. With new students sensei will send over his upper belts one at a time to teach different things.

I'm going to cut into this post with something else. I just got off the phone with a client of mine who's husband (also a client of mine. Both of them very close to me) had a massive stroke three weeks ago. He passed last night at home with his family around him. This man was in his early 70's and still working carpentry (he had his own business), going at it like a madman. This man never stopped. Every time he came in for his massage I would get the biggest hug and kiss from him, a bear hug! Full of life and love. He would do anything for those close to him. Never a hateful word from his mouth. He was very true with who he was and how he lived his life. I'm filled with a profound sadness right now. Yet another lesson to learn is about death. This may not be the appropriate blog to put this in, but I think it just may be right. My path right now is all about being okay with who I am and where I am going. Death is a major player and I'm afraid of it. Who isn't? It's also about being honest with my feelings, sadness being one of them right now. I think that when you are in the moment in karate it's your truest self performing the moves because if it's not the moves just don't work. It's so obvious, at least to me, when someone is distracted and they are in class. I will miss this man very much, but this is also life. It's a big circle.

Why do I stay?

2008-03-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

I've been reading chapters in "In the Dojo" by Dave Lowry as I get the chance. It's a wonderful book and I'm sure many of you have read it. I just finished the chapter on students and the last paragraph was a good one. If you ask any karateka why they started you will get many different answers that come easily. However, ask that same karateka why they stay and they may not be able to give an answer right away. It seems to get a little more complicated the longer you are "in it". At least that's the way it's been for me. Why do I stay? There are a few typical reasons: I love it, it makes me feel great, it's always a learning experience. If you ask me to look a little deeper I have to do a little more thinking about why I stay. At this point in my journey I have more frustration with my training, mostly due to being too hard on myself, asking to much. There is only so much I can do right now, and that's not an excuse. I train at least four days a week. I would train seven, but there are other factors in my life right now that also need my attention and I need to recognize that and respect that. There's work and there's my family. Training around my three year old is never a good idea. He gets upset, wants my attention, which he should have. There will be a time when he will be right at my side doing kata and kihones (at least I hope he will be there) and it will be easier to train with him. My husband also needs my attention. While he understands how important karate is in my life that understanding only goes so far. He is not a karateka and will never be one, and I also need to understand that.

Karate is always on my mind: how my positioning could be better, how my hara could be stronger, how do I get those two to co-exist? I stay because it makes me think about how I hold my body and how I hold my mind. There is also the ritual behind it all. I am a habitual person and karate is very habit-oriented. I stay because of the people I train with. Each person possesses a different way of training, and some people are more challenging than others. I try to train with each and every one of my kohai and sempai. It provides a more rounded experience and I learn so much from them. What it comes down to is the learning. I am always a beginner because there is always something new to learn about the same move you have been doing over and over for 9 years. It is important that I always remember that because it will keep me humble in my practice.

An extremely entertaining clip

2008-03-08T13:17:00.000-08:00

So I just finished watching the movie "Equilibrium" starring everyone's favorite Batman, Christian Bale. The end fight scene was fantastic and I found it on youtube (what can't you find there these days!). It's a great movie, with a "gun kata" included. Enjoy!

How karate changed the way I feel about my body.

2008-03-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

As I was paying for lunch today and chatting with a friend, the woman taking our money said, "Oh yeah, I recognize you, you're that karate chick." I was taken aback, mostly because being recognized as someone who does karate doesn't happen to me very often. It made me feel proud. The next words out of her mouth were, "You've lost a lot of weight." That made me feel a bit funny on the inside and is the reason I chose to write about this very topic today. Ever since my body became "womanly" I've harbored resentment towards it: too short in both stature and torso, my belly was always a bit poochy and sometimes more than a bit, my legs were too stocky. Those awful feelings of sadness and embarassment are still around to this day and I often find myself staring at my middle and thinking, "Man, will I EVER have a flat tummy", and "should I really care about having a flat tummy?!" Images of Buddha show him with a full tummy, laughing, not a care in the world. This is how I want to be, how I try to be. It is how I feel when I do karate. Those body image issues virtually melt away in the dojo. Yes I catch myself staring at how I look in my gi, how my belly doesn't really show, but then I let it go. Karate gave me a boost in how I look at my body and more importantly how I perceive the way I look. I look strong, my stances are low, I can do push-ups with little difficulty (okay, most of the time and depending on my energy level), I look STRONG. Karate has given me an outlet for those resentful feelings, which are not at all productive. The remark about me having lost weight really got to me. I never try to lose weight because I don't believe in dieting. Diets get you no where unless you change the way you eat for good. Most of the time I eat a fantastic diet of mostly organic foods. There are a few days during the week when I indulge a bit too much (hey, I'm from Vermont, home of Ben and Jerry's...) so the next day I eat better and lay off the crap. There has never been a time in my life when I felt the need to starve myself. There was a friend in junior high school who used to throw up. She got me to try it, and it was disgusting. How anyone can do that on a regular basis is beyond my realm of understanding. All in all I worship my body, I push it to higher and higher limits. There's just this middle of me that I wish looked differently. Perhaps I'll never get over that, and perhaps one day it will just vanish completely. What is comes down to is this: love your body for where it takes you, love your body for what it gives you, love your body for how far you can push it, just love you body. It's our locomotion, our vessel. Treat it with respect and kindness and it will last you a lifetime.

There are times in class when I just want to drop. The sweat is dripping into my eyes and I can barely breathe. So I breathe more deeply into my belly, expanding it instead of sucking it in. Once I do that I can breathe easier. I absolutely love those moments. I've always pushed myself, it makes me feel good on the inside. My goal for this month is to do one handstand push-up. Just one. Yesterday I tried to do just that and what happened was I pushed awfully hard into the floor and nothing happened. Today I tried it again and I felt lighter, but still only pushed into the floor. Tomorrow I'll try it again. I will do one handstand push-up by March 31. It's not about how you look, it's about what you can do with the body you've got.

Oh the aches....

2008-02-26T12:21:00.000-08:00

And I don't mean from training. I've contracted the plague and it isn't pretty. So, no karate this week at all for me. Time to rest and get well. No work for me, either, which I'm not all that upset about. I have a "flu-like virus" which is sending me into coughing fits so hard I have to hold onto something. If I don't take ibuprofin my body aches and aches. It will pass, at least it better by this weekend. Saturday is my 36th birthday! I plan on getting a girly facial and hubby and I get to go out the night before. His birthday is on Monday and he gets some tattoo work. That's how we met. Eric, the man who did my recent tattoos, is his best friend and one day he was working on another dragon on my upper left shoulder and G walked in and sat down. We locked eyes, the rest is history. The big 4-0 for him. I don't think he's amused about that....

I'm hoping to resume training next week and perhaps ramp it up a bit. Recently I purchased "Combat Training" by Matt Furey. Interesting and I actually do the exercises. They are all based on body weight training: push-ups of all kinds, back bridges, crab walking, bear walking, hindu squats, one-legged squats, etc., all stuff we used to do during gym class. A weight traininer I am not. I find it incredibly boring and hard to make into a habit. These exericises I can do in-between clients, a plus since there really isn't any time to be made for me to go back to the gym (where the dojo resides) and lift weights. I've come to accept that and have moved on. Doing the Matt Furey exercises makes much more sense and when it's warmer and not snowing and icing I can start doing hill sprints and yardage sprints like we used to do for field hockey. To me that is so much more fun and I'm more liable to do them. I'm also not a runner. My body just isn't built for that kind of pounding. I enjoy sprinting, just not the long distance running. Maybe if I were tall and slender, which I am not. Short and stocky, Austrian and Irish ancestry, you get the picture. I will miss training this week. I will miss my comrades. It's so much about the family unit of the dojo for me. If you don't like and trust who you train with it's not a very nice place to be. We have such a great unit at our dojo. Everyone helps everyone else and there's not much ego, a little maybe, but nothing out of control. If Sensei senses an ego out of control he has this wonderful way of nipping it before it grows any further with no harm done. Now that's talent.

Weapons!

2008-02-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

Perhaps this is what I feel like: a samuari with lots of confidence. Last week and the beginning of this one was all about weapons: sword, bo, escrima sticks and canes. The sword was amazing. This was only the second time that I was shown the sword form for our system and it felt so good. I do like the bo, but it really makes me focus and I get all "up in my shoulders". Mind you that isn't a bad thing, to be uncomfortable, the sword just felt so much smoother. But it's smaller, although my forearms are still talking to me since I used a real one (which was rather heavy...). The escrima sticks make me nervous since your hands are so susceptible to being hit, that is if you're not paying attention or only placing your focus on the stick itself and not the target (which can be a difficult thing to do when you're first learning). I'm also nervous about hurting my hands since they are the main source of my work. Anyway, I love weapons and wish we did them more often. Maybe a day devoted just to weapons. I have my own bo and now plan on purchasing a bokken and perhaps some sticks to practice with. The bo I can only use outside, and being that I live in Vermont that isn't always possible but I take advantage when I can. The bo is becoming more an extension instead of this foreign piece of wood in my hands. I have this annoying tendency to over-extend, but am focusing on being aware of where my elbows are: if they are out I over-extend; if they are in I do not. Pretty simple, right? I'm not sure why I have this tendency, but it happens in kata as well and I'm always aware of keeping my strikes to the point and not over the point.

Ugh, it seems I've been in a bit of a slump lately with my training, meaning there has been some difficulty "getting" it lately. It will pass as it always does, but when in the moment it's frustrating. I desire more time for practice and don't always have it available. Work, family, you know. My only practice space (for doing kata and weapons) is outdoors. My house is very small, so in it I only work on strikes and kicks and my stances. I shouldn't be so hard on myself and need to change that perception. There is so much available to me anywhere

Fresh ink

2008-02-06T08:20:00.000-08:00

I had these tattoos in my head (to go on the underside of my forearms) for when I passed the Shodan test and last Friday I finally had them done. The kanji under the tiger is fire and the one under the dragon is wind. The other two, earth and water, are on my ankles and they are from "The Book of Five Rings". Someday I'll get the one for the emptiness chapter. I'm not sure where I want it to go. I

Normally I can handle getting tattooed, but these really tested my endurance. Breathing was key, but there was a point where I had to say, "You know, I think we can do the scales some other time on the dragon." I was done, finished, no more pain tolerance. However, that's all a memory and I'm left with these beautiful tattoos that represent my training, my willingness to endure. They are also my guardians.

Sometimes they just don't get it...

2008-01-29T12:55:00.001-08:00

I've had this interesting exchange today over at justathought. People who have no experience in the martial arts cannot begin to "get" just what it is that keeps those of us who do in the martial arts. With the last comment I wanted to write back, but it just wasn't worth my time, or the author's for that matter. It's very difficult for some of our closest family/friends to understand why it means so much to us. Yes there are those out there who sacrifice too much for the martial arts and that can be very detrimental to their lives. There's this special balance that needs to happen. I may be exaggerating, but it's the truth. To me martial arts is about growth both physically and mentally. There are times where it doesn't fit and times when it's all that fits. I don't consider myself a disciple but a practitioner. Disciples give up their lives for what they practice, I don't. If that were the only way for me to be a martial artist I would let it go because that's not the way I want it to be. John Vesia just did a great post about this very subject. Devotee? Not me.

Seminar and Go Dan

2008-01-29T10:48:00.000-08:00

So the black belt seminar went very well. It was all the black belts (and a few invited browns) under Sensei Morallo, Sensei Moe (pronounced moya) and Sensei Bottomms. Huge class!!! We took up the entire dojo. Mostly we worked kihones and focused on working the obliques and serratus anterior in our movements and not so much the hips. Keep a solid horse stance and move from hara, like a whip. Lots of tenken stepping and a bit of kote nage, which I really loved. Need to practice more of that. Then a bit of grappling, which is very new to me. We've only done a LITTLE here and there in our dojo, but that's not what our dojo does. The Rutland dojo has aikijutsu, which is really quite amazing. Maybe someday, in all my spare time, hee, hee, hee.

Then came the Go Dan test. Sensei believed that he was only going to be showing us kata, however Sensei Morallo had a different plan. Sensei Bottoms proceeded to do at least half an hour straight of ippons, with the uke being all of his belts that had attended the seminar. It was amazing. He just had mushin, pure and flowing. Truly an amazing martial artist.

The next seminar will be on fighting and I'm looking forward to that. However, I may be pregnant at the time (cross your fingers!!!) and will have to be happy with observation.

Overall training is going very well and I've found myself a groove, finally... I'm going to look into taking a Ba Gua class in Burlington. I'm not feeling it with Kempo. The sensei is great, as are the students, but I don't have the excitement around it, which is important to me. Plus I'm headed in the internal direction anyway and this is a good place to start. We shall see.

Teacher?

2008-01-16T11:28:00.000-08:00

I had such a difficult time teaching yesterday, but Sensei was standing behind me the whole time, which made me nervous! I'm not sure why since he's been there plenty of time before. We had four new men in class, one of which had a lot of experience in martial arts (but I got the impression he had been out of it for a while). It just didn't feel good teaching. There was a great feeling of insecurity, which I have had before but have been able to work through it. Not so yesterday. It left me feeling slightly bruised in the ego, which isn't a bad thing to have happen. Not that I have an immense ego it's just good every once in a while to have it bruised. There's much to learn from that. Luckily Sensei is a very perceptive man and didn't make me suffer for long, though he could have. But then we proceeded to have a "mini Shugyo" so to speak and he ran us into the ground. Or rather kicked us into the ground. We did kicking up and down the floor for what seemed hours, days. We did push-ups over and over (I had to ice my elbows last night. Not good!). It was GREAT! When in the moment like that it's so intense, but it's wonderful because it forces you to focus. Good for the soul, good for the karate-ka. However, the newbies didn't participate in all that we did, but got to see what was in store for them if they chose to be in it for the long haul.

Three questions and a demonstration

2008-01-10T09:29:00.001-08:00

Charles James Sensei is asking fellow martial artists to answer the following questions. I highly recommend checking it out. Plus he has a wonderful MA blog along with a wealth of MA knowledge.

1. Why do you practice karate?
I originally began karate with the mindset of learning how to defend myself. However, my practice has now developed into learning more about myself and about how I can move my body while performing kata and ippons. Karate training provides a platform for me to stand on while I practice moving and breathing. It has become so important to my everyday life and how I move through that life, both physically and mentally.

2. Which of the three forms of practice do you feel fits your viewpoint (jutsu, do, or supo-tsu)?
Do definitely fits my viewpoint. There are so many levels to karate training and the deepest ones are learned through do, at least for me. I find that by practicing karate-do I am able to access much more inside myself and then translate that energy outwardly in my kata and ippon training. I am much more comfortable with kata than I am with self-defense techniqes, so the fact that my training focuses more on do helps me immensely with that discomfort and allows me to really believe in myself and what I am able to do.

3. Do you practice a combination of the three? If yes, which?
I would say that I practice a combination of jutsu and do. There is a definite feeling of warrior training in my practice and I like how that makes me feel, but the do tempers that energy by making me work slower and with more meaning. I have no desire to practice supo-tsu. That seems a little empty to me, personally speaking. I have no problem with karate as sport, just not for myself.

Today a few members of the dojo went with sensei to an elementary/middle school to put on a karate demonstration. I could not believe how nervous I was to show youngsters of a variety of ages what we do! When I was called to perform a kata by myself my nerves almost got the best of me and my brain became way too involved in what I was doing. Of course I did the kata Siekuran Lin Bloom, which I haven't had all that much practice with (say two months worth of time into this kata). It's amazing what a change of scenery will do to your training - different floor, different lighting, different direction. I've always had a hard time performing in front of lots of people, and karate has tempered that, but today it was as if I had never done it before. Very strange and interesting. I'll have to let that sink in a bit. It was a great demonstration, though. The kids were so excited and laughed and seemed to really enjoy what they were seeing. One of my fellow shodans, Chris, teaches the phys. ed. class there and she had been doing Asian studies for the month. So, she decided that it would be extra wonderful to have them see karate in action! My favorite part was when sensei had all the kids line up to do some simple forms and he asked a girl to switch to her left foot to which she replied, "I have a hard time remembering which is which!" I believe she was around 5-6 years old. It was so cute. There are many times when I have a hard time remembering which is which, too...

Pictures

2008-01-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

Time for a little fluff after a heavy post. These pictures were taken by my dear dojo mate, Kitt.

In the first picture we are in the middle of Lin Wane Kune. The paper on the mirror says "indomitable spirit".

This kata would be seiyunchin.

More Lin Wane Kune

Here I am demonstrating eagle claw to the throat. Very informally I might add...the first was a really good grab to the throat of the man on the right (white gi).

Now what do I do?

A head butt, of course! This wasn't the actual progression, but, hey, it's my blog!

Well, there you have it. Happy Koro Ken land.

Sensei will be testing for his Go Dan on January 26, it's official. It should be very interesting. I'll have some more pictures then.

Stalling

2008-01-03T10:39:00.001-08:00

Okay, I've really been stalling about writing an entry. However, I haven't been able to make the time until now, holidays and all. They were good, but I'm glad they are over. Anyway, there is so much in my brain right now having to do with training and where I want to be in it all. One thing is about what to do when your sensei has the blues...I'm not sure what is going on, but he has seemed a little off lately, but we all get that way and I'm not judging him in the least. He's the most balanced man I know, at least most of the time. However, it can affect training. I know that when I'm feeling off and not so great my training takes a nose dive and I find it incredibly hard to concentrate. This isn't new, I think I'm just noticing it more these days. I know that he's about to go for Go Dan in a few weeks, where he will be involved in a community exhibition. No rough stuff. It sounds like the higher you go, the more you receive the upper dan for what you provide to the community, and he has done so much in that area. Great man.
Great teacher. Period.

I mentioned writing about tolerance and balance and that post is still working it's way to the front of my brain. I've been faced a lot lately with having to be tolerant and having to balance my life. An example is the choice I've made to put off testing for Ni Dan, which was planned for this September, in order to have another baby. Originally when my husband and I talked about it I wanted to wait for the shiai, but after mulling it over realized that it was a little too selfish of me. Plus I want our children to be no more than four years apart. This was a big decision for me since I've put so much into my training. However, it has taken time away from my family and I need to change that because family is first. My husband mentioned that he wishes I were as passionate about him as I am about karate. Hmmm...interesting. It's been so difficult to find that balance since karate is always on my mind; how to train more, how to make this self-defense technique work without muscling it, how to bring hara to the forefront of my training. It's always there. Often before I go to sleep I go over kata or self-defense techniques in my head. When I give a massage I go over kata, which isn't necessarily the right time but, hey, sometimes my mind wanders. I also practice stance work and hara work while I give a massage. So much has changed in my martial arts training over the past year and it has excited me beyond anything that I've ever experienced. It's so important to me. When I do become pregnant I plan on training until my body is so big that I'm ready to pop. The last time I stopped training early in the pregnancy and ended up taking two years off. That will not happen this time. Karate is different for me now, it means so much more to me than it did four years ago. Plus I want to experience what it's like training very pregnant. Of course no kumite or throws, but there's so much more to do. I won't be bored.

Well, guess that turned out to be a post about balance. There's so much more to it, though, and I most likely spend more energy thinking about it than is necessary. All I know is karate makes my life complete and without it I would be very sad indeed. It's molded me into this person I always wanted to be: compassionate, humble, excited, happy, strong in both body and mind.

Here's a little promote three meme: go right now and check out kuanti mama . She's a rad chick. There aren't many posts, but there's definite possibility. I've found similar themes to my posts, which made this blog appealing. Someone to relate to, another female warrior.

Absence

2007-12-20T10:53:00.000-08:00

All week I've been wanting to write about various themes in this blog, but haven't had the time available to put any quality thought into them. The topics were tolerance and balance and I will get to them since they are playing a rampant theme in my life lately, both in and out of the dojo. But to me my life is my dojo and they aren't really separate. That said, I hope all you have wonderful holidays full of family love (and tolerance and balance) and wonderful things. I'll write again when I have the time to sit and really put some thought into those two topics since they really need my attention.

SWOT 'yo part 2

2007-12-11T10:23:00.001-08:00

I've been asked to do the promote three meme by John Wood yet again, and I will get to it, really. I think it's a wonderful way to get others to read those blogs that do not have a lot of traffic (mine included) yet may contain those little gems of insight worthy of all our attention. I've put a list together and am in the process of looking them over. That said, it's back to SWOT 'yo!

Strengths: I feel that my blog's strengths lie in my honesty and my hard work regarding my training. Writing about what you know is the best way to write, at least in my eyes. I do not toot my own horn, but look at my path with open eyes and use my blog as a way to further my progress in the martial arts.

Weaknesses: My writing could use a little polishing, especially the grammar. I tend not to pay attention to many of the rules, but part of me doesn't really care about that as long as I can get my point across. But I know that there are grammar Nazis out there....you know who you are. Another weakness is my tendency not to post in this blog as often as I post in my other one, which is a very different vein of topic. Maybe there's a way to combine the two so that I post more often? However, I keep them separate for a reason since the other blog has nothing to do with MA. Something to consider. There is also this aversion to writing about specific MA topics since I do not feel qualified to do so. That comes with time put into training and learning. I've started reading more about MA and also google many styles to learn more about them as well to see how they can further my knowledge in the style I've learned.

Opportunities: Commenting on other martial arts blogs usually results in the authors checking out your blog. I've started doing that more often, and not just to get them to come over to my house. I'm also a part of the Convocation of Combat Arts Forum, which does the same thing. I've also told my dojo mates about my blog. Getting out into my community isn't as important as getting it out to the blogosphere since I talk to my friends in the dojo all the time. What I want here is to talk to other martial artists everywhere.

Threats: I tend to be a shy gal, which prevents me from speaking up the way I want to speak up. That is something I've worked on for a long time. Speaking my mind is much easier these days since I'm not opposed to any confrontation that may result from my opinions. There's also the tendency for me not to go into any topic where I may "talk out of my behind" instead of learning the facts.

Phew, that wasn't so bad. I'll move onto the next part some other day.

I learned Naihanchin today! I love it! It's such a cool kata, and apparently Sensei has been teaching it to the upper belts in the later classes. It didn't take me long to learn, though, since it's very repetitious. I love the side stepping and the cobra-like punches. Now I have two new katas in my arsenal of learning. Love the kata....

I'm also loving the "Living the Martial Way" book. I just may do a review from my point of view when I'm finished with it. It has propelled my thinking into a whole other realm, which has had amazing results in my training. I feel so much more grounded and capable. It's a wonderful thing. My hesitation is almost non-existent now when I'm grabbed. Finally...

SWOT 'yo, the beginning

2007-12-06T10:42:00.000-08:00

There's this part of my brain that really want's to do the new Mokuren dojo challenge about where you want your blog to go. Okay, that's the really basic explanation, but it works for right now. This is my first step to that challenge: the "goal". When I started this blog it was for the purpose of writing down my thoughts on my shodan training and where this new path was leading me. It is still about that, but I want it to be more. I don't feel I have the experience under my belt yet to write about specific topics, but I can at least write about things that I know. So, my goal for my blog is to: 1. Write about more specific topics as they relate to my training, and 2. Have more people read my blog. Why is it important to have more people read my blog? Well, it's nice to know there are other's out there who agree and disagree with what I'm talking about. It's also nice to have the comraderie of those with similar interests, in this case martial arts. The only time I get to discuss anything MA related is either in the dojo, a place where I frequent only three times a week, or online. I crave to talk about topics in the MA world and to give my two cents about them. That's why I joined the Convocation of Combat Arts forum. Yet, I am still such a young one when it comes to all things MA. There's also this desire to learn about all the different types of MA out there. But, I digress. Anyway, here's the beginning to the challenge. Now I have to go back and read the post again, and maybe write it down...

Seminar

2007-12-01T13:16:00.000-08:00

Today I took part in this amazing MA seminar at my dojo. Master Morallo came down from Rutland to teach us all sorts of crazy, fun things. First we dove into flexibility exercises and strengthening. His stretch routine is a workout alone, and then we did so much more! There were quite a few push-up variation, like Hindus (ouch!) and many hip stretches. Master Morallo focuses a lot of attention on opening the hip joints in order to give lasting flexibility without causing too much wear and tear on the joint. He feels that by doing these exercises on a regular basis will allow you to kick fluidly and without injury well into old age. Needless to say that's the sorest part of me right now. Then we went into internal exercises, pulling our power from the earth and dissolving into our hara. We did this first by working on sebaki and sudiash (I'm sure I'm not spelling those right), the basic evasion maneuvers. This is such a hard concept to actualize, and it left us exhausted. It also opened up a new avenue to training. Working on kihones in this manner can skyrocket you MA abilities, especially due to the spiraling energy that we incorporate into everything we do. After this we moved onto heavy hand exercises of which I have forgotten the name. It's a "push/pull" type of exercise used in aikido which works on your warding off posture. From there we went into kotegaishi along with the circling step used in the throw. Then we went into key locks using the elbows along with a takedown. Great stuff! I was also honored to be Master Morallo's uke, gulp....he's like a Mack truck. Luckily for me I have good ukemi and fall well. I felt like a rag doll! It was fun! I have this suspicion, however, that I may have a hardt time getting out of bed tomorrow morning. All in all I came away with so much more to work with, but it's the kind of work I've been leaning towards. I want to dive so much further into the internal aspects of my MA and see how I can make it work for me, to really begin to make it my own. There has been a difinite shift in my attitude this week and it's left me feeling so much more secure about my abilities and where they can take me. Practice, practice, practice!

I've been chosen again to do the promote three meme, which I haven't done! My next mission is to go over to toplist so that I can see who I deem worthy....hee, hee, hee. Thanks, John!

Fear

2007-11-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid to unleash that inner "stuff" (for lack of a better word) in self-defense situations. I mean the practice version, not the real thing. There's this definite fear of letting go in order to let it go, if you know what I mean. That's where the hesitation comes from. I just figured this out today. That's all we did in class, along with slow-flow, and at some point I unfocused my eyes and the moves went so much smoother. It's that fear that prevents me from attacking to my fullest extent. Maybe I'm afraid that if I let it go I won't be able to control the movements and will hurt someone. That results in hesitation as well. This is something to work on and work through, at least now I know where it comes from.

It's been a while

2007-11-27T10:53:00.000-08:00

The other blog has had more attention as of late. Training has been going well, I just need to make, and find, more time to do it. I have definitely slacked off in the cardiovascular department and am feeling it. There has to be time somewhere, even if I have to get up really early, which I despise. But, it can be made into a habit as can anything.

Kenpo is going very well. So far it has decreased my hesitancy. I know the last entry talked about that, but since then it has gotten much better. That will only dissipate with practice. Now to find more people to practice with in the self-defense arena. Doing them without another body is an option, too. Just look in the mirror...

That's pretty much it. Although I have been reading "Living the Martial Way" by Forrest Morgan. Very, very interesting and inspiring. The more I read the more I nod my head in agreement.

Goals

2007-11-16T18:57:00.000-08:00

This is what is inside my head: train every day. This is what I strive for and have yet to achieve. I'm finding it difficult to train every day due to life being right in front of me all the time. Sensei wants to have private training sessins with me. He says he needs a focus and would like to do that with one or two students outside of the regular class days. I'm excitied! This would mean more training, more days of following my path the way I want to follow it. There is such a large part of me that would love to go off and just do karate for a few months, maybe a year. However, I have a family that needs my attention, too, and I love to give them my attention. This is where the paths cross, where the hardest challenges lie. My husband can be very supportive of my training, yet there is a breaking point. The trick is to not reach that point, which only places unecessary strain on our relationship. I am not going to give up my life for training, I want my life to include training. There is definitely a place for both to exist, and I'm getting better at melding the two.

I was able to teach class the other day, the whole class time. It's getting easier and easier and my discomfort with being the "leader" is slowly waning. There is so much more I want to become proficient with before I dive into sensei-dom. I'm so not ready for that and am not being pushed, which is good. I just reached shodan and want to sit with it and practice, practice, practice. I've begun to feel what the inside of kata can be like, and it's such an amazing thing. I am also starting to feel so incredibly humbled by teaching, and I think that's a good thing to recognize. Ah, it never, ever ends!

No impressions, please.

2007-11-14T09:19:00.000-08:00

I really need to stop thinking that this blog is for waxing poetic about martial arts, mostly because I do not have enough years under my belt to do so. This is about my training and how it's affecting me on the inside and outside. When I read other blogs about martial arts topics I think, "Why don't I try that?" Then I realize that this is not what I'm about. I read the topics, not write about them. Those topics give me something to think about and then perhaps write about once they have percolated through my brain. An example is "the great kata debate". I'm on the yay side of kata, and I'm beginning to realize just how important it is to my MA training. The kempo class I've started is very, very interesting, but I'm so much more in love with the style that I do. There are so many wonderful aspects to it, like how it uses spiraling energy in every move. The effectiveness of blocks and strikes seems to triple when utilizing this type of spiraling movement. And it's very subtle. I also like the point and circle aspect of koro ken. We are always encouraged to move to the outside of our opponent instead of staying center. This knocks the uke off-balance so nicely! But the kata...I love kata. It's such a great moving meditation, a battle with the inner self. I'm learning a new kata, sekuran lin bloom, and it's amazing. There are no repetitions in this kata. All of our other kata have some repetition, but not this one. It's beautiful to watch. Some day I'll film it to show to you all. There are other kata for black belts, but I'm just not there yet. Right now the path is leading me to self-defense and becoming comfortable with it, to have mushin and no hesitation. When I'm comfortable with self-defense that's when I'll pursue opening my own dojo and having my own students. Mind you, I'm not looking to open a McDojo, just a space where I can share my knowledge because it's very important to me to carry on in this style and teach it to others. Karate rocks!

Why blog?

2007-11-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

My sensei asked me the other day why I blog. I guess the answer is, at least for the martial arts aspect, a place to put my thoughts on favorite topics and also to expand on areas where I feel my martial arts is lacking. It's also nice to get a little validation, even if it's from strangers. The anonymity allows for a freer writing space because I don't really care about being judged by people I don't know. Constructive criticism is a good thing and I can handle it much better in writing than I can face to face. Anyway, I'm beginning to fade in the NaBloPoMo in my MA blog since my "other" life has come to the fore with more issues. Nothing serious, just a need to write about that more often.

I'm off to the Burlington Kempo class tonight. It will be nice to train again in a new place, and the "old" place is feeling just grande. I did a lot of martial arts activity last week and hope I can keep up the pace every week. It helps with the outward stresses of our move looming closer and closer. I've decided to do the elliptical trainer since it allows me to listen to music and exercise and sweat. Kabox is okay, but my body isn't really into it right now. On the elliptical I can zone out and just be in myself, which is something I really need right now. What I really need to focus on is keeping that sense of serenity as I do self-defense techniques. Just be internal as I go external. This is difficult, and I plan on working it until I can't stand it, or at least until I reach mushin...

Fighting in a circle

2007-11-08T10:30:00.000-08:00

I used to fear fighting in the middle of a circle of people. These days, however, it's much more exciting and I see it for the challenge that it can bring to martial arts training. In our circle we do not defend fast, even is the attacker is going fast. The trick is to be calm and relaxed and control the adrenaline dump. In today's class I had a wonderful time inside the circle and felt pretty relaxed and confident. Certain aspects, like really connecting from hara and blending, are beginning to find a home within my body. Blending with the uke is the toughest for me to connect with because nine times out of ten the uke is much taller than me and I immediately go up to their level instead of using my short stature to my advantage. It's what my body wants to do right away. That has been a tough battle and continues to this day. However, with today's class I was beginning to "get it", at least in my brain. Now all I have to do is repeat it ad infinitum in order for my body to go there as well, right away. One other battle is hesitation at the onset of the attack and again the more I practice self-defense the less that will occur. I need to go back to the training I was doing before the shodan test. It all sort of fell away once the test was over, but I really need to be training at that level all the time. My mind is there, but my body has definitely been slacking lately. I also was unable to go to the kempo class this past Monday, but am hopeful that they will see me this coming Monday.

Anatomy Trains and martial arts

2007-11-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

Anatomy Trains? What the heck is that? Well, this weekend I've been attending a bodywork class of the same name and it's an introduction into a form of bodywork known as Kinesis Myofascial Integration. Huh? Let's begin by talking about fascia. Fascia is this thin connective tissue that covers organs, muscles. It's found in the brain, it's found everywhere. It basically connects the entire body (muscles, organs, etc.) underneath the skin like a wet suit and when injury or bad postural habits affects this system many dysfunctions can occur within the structure as a whole. Anatomy Trains are a series of fascial meridians throughout the body. They cover the front and back of the body, both sides, spirally and in the arms. There are a few more but we haven't covered them yet, so stay tuned. So, how does this in any way pertain to the martial arts? Because of how we move in the martial arts. Each of these meridian affects the way we move and when there is dysfunction we do not move in efficient ways. Have you ever experienced a stiff neck, pain in the lower back, headaches? Well, those pains are most likely due to fascial restrictions, which in turn affect the muscles, nerves, circulation, you name it. IT'S ALL CONNECTED! Getting proper bodywork to release those restrictions in the fascia will open up a whole new world of movement in your martial arts practice. Until we learn to move in ways that don't cause habitual restrictions in our tissues we cannot move efficiently therefore cannot put our best behind each punch, each kick. We put what we have available to us into our practice, which can be good enough. But wouldn't it be so much better to move freer? Personally I have not gone through the series of KMI sessions. KMI is Rolfing focusing on the Anatomy Trains. KMI views the body by seeing where the restrictions are along those Anatomy Trains. It is an incredibly efficient bodywork system and I highly recommend it to any martial artist wanting their body discomforts to stop. Of course after the 12 sessions you must own your new "you", change your habits and make new, better ways of moving. The thing is, when all of the Anatomy Trains are moving in concert with each other you get a beautifully functioning body.

NaBloPoMo, oh no!

2007-11-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I've joined forces with BBM and some other MA bloggers to write every day for a month. However, I will be cheating since I also have another blog that will be included as well. So, let's say every other day will most likely be a MA blog. Sorry, I'm cheating!!!

For today I would like to continue talking about blocking. In our system we have four primary blocks that we begin with : agay (spelled wrong since I do not have my book in front of me), soto, uchi and gedan barai. They are called the hachi ban uki (also spelled wrong, my deepest apologies!) and we do them over and over and over with heavy emphasis on mushimi, or heavy rubbing. Mushimi is incredibly important in our system and if the upper belts are caught not utilizing it at every turn we do push-ups. But, hey, who's complaining about buff arms....not me. Mushimi is especially important in a self-defense situation where sticking (literally) to your opponent places them off balance and allows you to always maintain balance and hara connection. Mushimi begins with the block. With the upper rising block, agay, the arm is energized and mushimi allows you to uproot the uke, at which point you can continue to push the arm back and wrap it or just keep it off to the side. The same goes for the lower blocks, but in this case the uke becomes off-balance towards the tori. There is also the kage uke (hook block), the mountain block, the snake block and a block where you place your hands together, palms facing you, as if you were making a bird shadow and press outwards against an attack. My favorites are the snake block, which is performed to the outside of the punch and allows you to then mushimi down the arm and grab the wrist, and the kage uke.

With blocking we are taught to perform soft, not hard. With this softness I find that it is easier to place the uke off balance, much like an aikido move uses the uke's energy against them. I do not know much about aikido and have only done a little, but from what I've seen our blocks are very similar to aikido moves. The softness also allows the tori to maintain flow, which to me is a much more efficient way of moving against an attack. If I defend hard my energy goes right to my upper body and I lose hara connection. Once this happens the techniques are no longer going to work the way you want them to. With hara connection and mushimi you are insured against losing connection with the uke and will have a much easier time with stun, rip/tear and project. This is how we defend. We block and stun, rip/tear with a combination and then project the uke to the ground or away from us. The projection of course comes with more than a few years of practice and I'm still battling with it. I will most likely always be battling with projection. But, that's for another post!!!

Martial Arts Ramblin' On

2007-11-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

So my last post sounded so disjointed to me and I apologize for the rambliness of it all. Thing is, I had to put my dearest doggie friend to sleep yesterday. She was 13 and her health over the past week just tanked, leaving me an emotional wreck. She was a special dog and I miss her incredibly. So if my writing seems a little lifeless, that is why.

Anyway, I'm still pretty excited about doing the Kempo class once a week. Today's class just re-affirmed my need to practice self-defense. Damn hesitation! It happens to me too often and there are moments when I just want to run from the dojo screaming. But those are the moments I also cherish the most due to the learning that can be gleaned from such frustration . That's when I bring my focus down to my feet, bring myself back down to the ground and then to my center. In today's class frustration was not present, which was a very good thing due to my relatively fragile mental state (no, that statement is NOT an over-dramatization of how I'm feeling. I am not a drama queen!) We did mostly self-defense and then kata, ever kata. Kata felt pretty shaky, though. I need to practice them every day....I strive for daily practice, even if it's only kicks and punches. There isn't much room in my house for kata. Let me rephrase that, there is NO room in my house for kata. Perhaps if I were to do them Tai Chi slow, which is actually a wonderful training technique and really gets the hara into action. So, I have no idea where I'm going with this post, but just bear with me...

What I'm now learning as a shodan: be patient, be pro-active, just &*^%$ relax and let it all flow. This I was able to see most in the kempo dojo. Most of the other kohai blocked so incredibly hard and stiff, one in particular really pounded my forearm (can we say human makiwara?). It got me thinking about the way blocks should be performed. Hard blocks seem to be more appropriate if you intend them to be strikes as well, especially in zing e (that is a completely phonetic spelling. I'll have to look up how to spell that style...), which is so violent. All attacks. It's great! Anyway, I'm finding that a softer block will gain you so much more time (were talking split seconds...) to pull off a combo of some sort, especially if the uke is placed off-balance. Then there's the trick of blocking above and striking with the feet at the same time. This I need to practice over and over since it would be such an invaluable technique for me in that I barely reach 5'. Sensei does this beautifully and every time I think, "Man, I have to get that down!"

So, there you have it for today. Rambliness....

Learning something new

2007-10-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a Kempo class in Burlington. It was a very interesting experience and I plan on returning. The class was centered around self-defense combinations, a part of the MA where I have the most trouble. The trouble is self-confidence and not looking completely out of control with my moves. I have this tendency to go too fast, mostly due to nerves. Don't get me wrong, 9 times out of 10 there are no issues, just every once in a while. The class was all men (which I am already used to) and the Sensei was very low-key. We did not line-up by rank and used no formalities except bowing to each other during the exercises. This is something I am not used to. We often kneel when Sensei is speaking and say "osu" and "origato, sensei". The relaxed atmosphere was very strange to me, but it was a different dojo with different rules of conduct. I do not put this dojo down or pass any judgement. There was much to be learned and I was so glad for the self-defense practice. So much so that I'm going to continue training with this dojo once a week and see where it takes me. It's worth it to try new directions, something that I haven't really done except for one class in kung fu many years ago. This particular style of kempo comes from the Chinese Hawaiian lineage. Unfortunately there are no karate dojos in Burlington, only kempo, BJJ (which I also plan on checking out) and many Tae Kwon Do. Perhaps I'll just have to open my own karate dojo someday...

Frustrations

2007-10-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

I nearly burst into tears at yesterday's upper belt class. I'm not sure what it was that was making me such a weepy puppy. We started class hitting the mits, moving around, working on stances and body placement while punching with the heavy gloves. This is not my favorite thing to do. I would much rather be practicing self-defense techniques. But, this is where Sensei is going right now. It made me incredibly frustrated, mostly because I was so out of breath most of the time. There is this shodan who recently came back to train who intimidates me. He has this air about him that makes me nervous. It think most of it is just now knowing who he is and what he's all about. He seems like a nice man, but to have him correct me really puts up my defenses. When I'm corrected I do not have a problem as long as I know where the person is coming from. Sensei is one thing, a senpai is one thing, but this person, who is senpai to me, has not been training for a while and kept correcting my movements before I had the chance to work on them. Yeah, I know, it's a petty thing, but it was bothering me. At least give me the chance to work and keep your mouth closed. That's how I try to teach. Instead of constantly correcting someone I say a few things and then let it sink in. If after a few attempts the same mistakes are being made I'll say something again. But not over and over and over. That just leads to frustration and nothing is learned. Maybe that was the start of my teary, bleary moment. I could not tell the guy to keep his mouth shut, but did say something to the effect of just let me work this, please. Anyway, not to complain, but it was on my mind. Then we went into seiunchin kata. Sensei came up to me at one point to correct my unbendable arm application in the kata and said some wise words, at which point I nearly lost it. He has this ability to get to the core of you and really see who you are and how you work. What a wonderful teacher to have! I get weepy just thinking about it. Of course there are other factors in my life right now contributing to this weepiness, but I write about those on another blog. My martial arts path right now is working on my balance when sparring, not staying planted to the spot. Though there are times I just feel like I'm chasing the other person down. There is so much time to work on this, but I will get frustrated, it's just my nature. The key is to relax and just let it go.

2007-10-19T07:27:00.001-07:00

So, I've managed to do at least 60 side kicks each side since my last post. Could this be my new favorite kick? Right now it's mawashi geri. I can put a lot of power behind it since I'm short and my leg doesn't have far to travel. Plus it's just an amazing kick. Yoko geri still, after eight years of training, feels awkward. I know, I'm still a baby in the MA world....

Yesterday in class sensei had me working the pads with 12 oz. gloves. Hard! Mostly because I'm so lacking in cardiovascular strength right now. So, I've decided to pursue heavy bag training on a regular basis. It's so frustrating for me to run out of breath after five strikes and five kicks. It takes so much cardiovascular focus when boxing like that. You can have all the technique in the world, all the right moves from hara, but if you can't breathe...well, it's difficult. My work schedule gives me a little more "breathing" room starting next week so I will be able to hop over to the dojo (which also includes a gym) to train on the bag at least three days a week. I have a bag at home, but I can only use it outdoors right now so weather is an issue, and if you've ever been to Vermont our weather is never predictable. Anyway, I've also started a weight regimen, too. What we do to stay healthy, hmm?

I'm hoping this Monday to check out a kenpo class in Burlington. A good friend of mine is a shodan in that dojo and he is always doing amazing things. I have no idea what it's like, so I guess it's time for a little google.

One aspect that is lacking in my dojo is weapons training. We only have bo right now, and two sword forms. What I really want to learn is sai. I guess I will have to search out a weapons teacher. Yeah, in all my free time!

I must not rush

2007-10-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

There is this person inside of me who wants it all now, perfected and set to memory. That is my impatience. There is this other person who savors the slowness of learning martial arts correctly, to go back again and again to kihones and do them over and over. To be mindful always until there is no-mind. Take for example yesterdays upper belt class. No more mister nice sensei. We went over and over yoko geri, slowly and with extreme mindfulness. And also much losing of balance. The homework was to do 100 yoko geris on each side before next class. Well, that's tomorrow and I have no idea where I'm going to fit in slow, focused side-kicks. Where does my time go? Where do I have time to train outside of class? I do have half an hour inbetween each massage client today, but here I am writing a blog and eating instead of the side-kicks....hmm. There is time to do them outside after work, or perhaps before dinner. That is, if my little one does not run over and say to me, "No mommy, no karate now." Where does it all fit in. I desire to train everyday, but mostly I do it in my head, which does me only very little good. I did a few side kicks after a shower and a few after an early client. I guess you have to look at the quality instead of the quantity. No rushing to do 100 of them, just do them correctly and with purpose. A HA!

Black Belts in the house

2007-10-10T12:28:00.000-07:00

So, what happens when you have three shodans in class and no teacher? Who teaches? Thing was, I new I had seniority over one shodan, but not the other. He was a shodan in Koro Ken Aikijitsu (another style under Sensei Morallo) and this was the first time I've met him. He's studied longer than me, but hadn't been training in Koro Ken for a while, just stuck with the aikijitsu. So, I took on the kata/kihon portion and then diverted to him for some aikijitsu fun. But.....three kids also showed up to the upper belt class, and they were all upper belts. So, I taught them rolling while the other shodans had fun doing aikijitsu Ippons. I finally had my turn to do Ippons, but did not have enough time doing them since the kid's class was starting up. Urgh. I was a little frustrated about the situation since I decided to join the upper belt class to continue my learning, but teaching is learning, too, and I can't forget that. If Sensei had been able to teach class things would have been different. He looks to me to teach; really, really wants me to teach. In fact he wants me to teach in Burlington, VT, where we will be moving to this April. I've wanted to have my own students, but really want to take more time to work on those things I find uncomfortable, like wrist grabs and throws. I'm fine with all the pugilistic applications of our kihones, but throwing and grabbing need more work. When those become comfortable I will think about taking on students. I'm just not ready to go out on my own, and don't really feel that a shodan is ready to do that alone. I've just started to sink into all of this and don't want to rush it. I have plenty of time. The key is to not get frustrated when you have to teach instead of learning new things.

New Class

2007-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

I've decided that on Tuesday afternoons I'm going to take the upper belt class (and not the morning class), meant for brown and black belts. This way at least once a week I will be learning new things, such as the elbow lock routine Sensei learned from Grandmaster Chaka Zulu (I know, a little fancy? But check out his website at zujitsu.com), who's style is known as zujitsu. It's really a great form of martial arts, and Soke is quite the amazing man/teacher. He came to our dojo about five years ago for a seminar and the elbow locks are insane! Anyway, I've really been wanting to go over them and we just don't get that much of a chance in our morning classes lately since there are newbies and I end up either teaching them or teaching the other kohai their new katas (ah, the responsibilities of a shodan....), which I do not mind doing at all. I also have a new kata to learn, part of the Lin Bloom series. Sekuran Lin Bloom, and I'm not at all sure I spelled sekuran the right way. It's along the same lines as Flight of the Striking Tiger and Lin Wane Kune, very Chinese. Sensei Morallo also has this other kata, Cartier, that I'm dying to learn. It's very beautiful, and very complicated. I'm not sure if my Sensei knows it, but I haven't asked him yet. Supposedly it's a "secret" kata, whatever that means...it's still pretty. I also want to spar more and become as comfortable as I can with it since next fall is Nidan, which is a very brutal test. I will be seeing a Nidan test this November, which will give me a preview of what it will be like.

Off for a weekend of fall activities. Vermont is so incredible this time of year with the changing leaves, and the yummy apples!!! I plan on having lots of fun. Plus, it's supposed to be in the 80's. Weird weather...

My first class as a shodan

2007-10-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

Today was the first class I went to after last week's test. For some odd reason I was nervous to enter the dojo wearing a black belt. There is definitely a little "uncomfortableness" about this new path for me. The lower belts have a new respect and part of me is having a hard time with that. I think it's because I don't want to feel better than anyone else, don't want to, especially, look like I don't know what I'm doing. It's the old self-esteem issues coming to the surface. I talked about the self-sabotage a few posts back and this is very similar. Now that I've come this far do I deserve to lead others? It's so strange. There is absolutely no way I could ever get "shodanitis". My ego is not that big and I feel so humbled by this new addition around my waist. I want others in my dojo to know that I will never treat them like they do not know anything and I know everything. Our dojo, as Charles James Sensei puts it, is a gendai budo dojo. We train for the path, for the betterment of ourselves. There is no competition in our school in any form and Sensei does not condone it at all. The sparring you saw me do in the videos is not something we do very often, at least not with all the gear. We do more slow-flow Ju Kumite, not the full-on Kumite. I'm very happy with that. I don't have the need to go at someone with flying fists and feet. I'd much rather harness the control that would benefit me in a self-defense situation. Our dojo is serious and light-hearted at the same time. We joke around, but not when it's inappropriate. We have much respect for Sensei and his teachings and teach that to the new student who walk through our doors. There have been quite a few recently, and all of them women. I like to see women start in the martial arts, and I hope they stick with it.

So back to the weirdness of shodan. I have to grow into this like anything else. Sensei said to me the day after shiai that he would like me to test for nidan in a year. Is that enough time? I feel there is so much for me to accomplish in my training right now. I want to focus on the internal strength, the internal compression, or as Sensei Morallo puts it, "the twisting of the meat." He was doing Chen Tai Chi before the shiai last Wednesday. It was absolutely beautiful. Apparently this is the parent form of all the other tai chi forms, and he mentioned that it's a very difficult style to study. That is what I want to do. Hmm, yes, in all my free time... I've found that in my training I struggle with the internal applications of our style. I want to perfect them (as much as they can be perfected).

So, this marks the beginning of a new beginning! I will be interested to see where this blog goes now that I have attained shodan. I'm so excited!!!

Oh, I've been "promote three memed". I'll take care of that next post...

Shodan videos

2007-09-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Here I am, all sweaty and proud. I had just put on my black belt. Yay me!!! I honestly can't believe that it's all over, but am so glad that I did it. The test was fantastic...

Okay, here are the youtube links for my vids:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rvg3P6sKdC8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRiZdlgUI04

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzA6GSsraYA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOiR9Qff8XQ

Enjoy!

Shodan!!

2007-09-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

It was hot, wicked hot. No fans, not much air except from what was coming in from the open doors. The shodan shiai, of course, had to happen on a record breaking temperature day in southern Vermont (in late September!). The spirit, however, was flying everywhere. What a fantastic shiai we had. Lots of sweat, I mean A LOT. It was great. The six of us found our zones and just stayed there the entire time. The dojo was also packed with onlookers (our shiais are open to the public), which of course made the place even stuffier. I felt so good, very nervous, but very good. I'm uploading some videos onto youtube and will let you know where they are so that you can give them a gander. The last part was total, full-on sparring. We each had to spar with three people right in a row. This was very tough, and it's what made me very nauseous. Needless to say I ended up vomiting on the way home. My stomach still doesn't feel quite right today, by my mind and spirit are flying! What an experience, what an accomplishment. I'm so glad that I made it this far and look forward to many, many, many more years of learning in the martial arts. This is only the beginning...

A note about my shodan paper. I know that there were errors, it wasn't the final copy. I made some changes and corrections before I handed it in. I just wanted you to see what it was all about, but a hearty thank you for those of you who gave me great suggestions!!

Shodan paper

2007-09-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well, here's the completed shodan paper for tomorrow night. We were to pick a topic to write about, and I chose ego and self-esteem and how they relate to the martial arts.
The butterflies have landed....I'm nervous, but I'm ready. I'll post as soon as I can about how the test went. Yay!!!

We know the warrior by his presence and the healing he automatically gives to everyone he meets. ~ Erle Montaigue
“There are many people who, even when studying the Way of the Martial Arts, think that these skills will not be useful in real situations. In fact, the true Way of the Martial Arts is to train so that these skills are useful at any time, and to teach these skills so that they will be useful in all things.” Miyamoto Musashi, “The Book of Five Rings”
When we meet someone else who does Karate differently than we do, we seem to have a knee jerk reaction and immediately begin attempting to dominate the other person instead of listening to what they have to say and thinking about it with due consideration. Rob Redmond, 24 Fighting Chickens blog

Ego, Self Esteem and the Martial Arts
By Karrie
What do you think of when someone asks you about the martial arts? If you were to ask a person who does not do martial arts, they might mention Chuck Norris, Steven Segal or even Jackie Chan. All of those men encompass what is known, in my eyes, as the “movie martial arts”. The egos involved tend to be inflated and evolved to the point where the practitioners may feel as if they are indestructible. This, however, is only my opinion. The martial arts you see in movies are very far removed from what the actual martial arts represent. Ego and self-esteem play a very large role in the evolution of a martial artist, and I write about those two aspects of our personality because they have played a very important role in my martial arts practice and my growth as a person involved in the martial arts. All of the opinions expressed in this paper are my own, and they are far from being the norm with all karateka. The three quotes at the top speak to me about ego and self esteem and how they pertain to the martial arts and I will touch on all of them within this paper.

How does the ego pertain to martial arts and where, exactly, does self-esteem fit in? When talking about the ego you need to look into how a person reacts to having gained a significant amount of knowledge in martial arts technique. Martial arts provide a very powerful source of self-protection and can therefore lead to a very powerful increase in a person’s ego. This is not necessarily a hindrance, if the ego evolves slowly and does not gain control. The opposite of that is an ego which becomes so inflated that the martial arts practitioner feels as if he or she “know it all” and proceed to show this knowledge off to all who will watch. Self-esteem, on the other hand, can only increase in such a way as to compliment the ego. When you feel confident about yourself, your ego will inevitably grow stronger since you have more confidence in yourself and what you know. That being said, what happens to the self-esteem if the ego takes over? Does it become weaker in the sense that the person has now “become” the ego? This is a very interesting question, and I feel that if the ego becomes too strong, then self-esteem becomes weaker. Ego is a very strong trait, and can quickly take over all other personality traits if left unchecked. To be all ego is to be weak, which is not something karatekas want to be. Self-esteem is a much stronger trait to have, a much more reliable source of courage. Courage with too much ego becomes carelessness.

The first quote at the beginning of this paper is first for a reason. To me it represents the humbleness the martial arts can bring to all those who practice it. Being a healer requires a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem. If you do not have those aspects of your character in a solid place within yourself you cannot provide healing to others. When training in the martial arts a certain amount of healing happens within you, which slowly builds a solid sense of self-esteem. Too have too much ego in this sense would not only be detrimental to yourself, but also to those around you who recognize your healing capabilities. Being a massage therapist gives me a unique perspective into this idea. There are many massage therapists who allow their egos to become too strong, which degrade their healing capabilities. Receiving a massage from someone who’s ego has become too inflated is not a pleasant experience and you often leave the session feeling more stressed than when you felt at the beginning. Ego must be contained; self-esteem must be stronger than ego. The martial artist who has strong self-esteem is capable of great healing and great martial arts. To me it’s all about allowing this to happen within yourself and not letting your ego get the best of you. There will always be someone stronger, faster, and more capable of striking from hara. It’s a wise thing to remember.
Miyamoto Musashi’s quote touches on believing and trusting in your techniques. This has been the toughest battle for me throughout my eight years of training. Trusting in yourself and the believing that the techniques you know will work boosts self-esteem in amazing ways. To not trust the technique means you are not trusting in yourself. This can be the “death” of a karateka’s self-esteem. The more you fail at performing, the more you mistrust what you know, both about yourself and your techniques.
I put in the last quote because I’ve seen this happen in our own dojo. There are often times when Sensei Bottomms teaches us one thing and either after class or during application of what was just taught others from another dojo interject what they feel is the “right” way to do the technique. This bothers me to no end. When entering another’s dojo, their “way” is to be respected and learned, not critiqued and criticized. That is not respectful and is purely coming from ego’s point of view. A dissolving of the ego must occur when entering the dojo, whether it is where you train or not. If you do not agree with the Sensei, speak with them after class, not during the time he or she is teaching. In my eyes there is nothing ruder than someone who speaks out against what Sensei teaches. Everyone has the capacity to learn, no matter how much training they have had. Having respect for other’s teachings shows not only humbleness, but a strong sense of self (self-esteem). To not respect someone else’s teachings shows only the ego is present, one that is far too large to allow for any further learning.
When I think of self-esteem and how it relates to the martial arts the picture inside of my head is of an elderly Asian man slowly performing kata with a serene smile on his face. He is sure in his stances; sure of how the moves work. You realize that the serene smile also goes much deeper than what you see on his face. I also think of this same man with his students, with the same serene look on his face, allowing himself to learn from his students as he teaches them all he knows about martial arts. The most important part of my learning thus far has been how to control the ego and allow your self-esteem to rule your inner battle. There is a never-ending battle between ego and self-esteem, the trick is to find that delicate balance where they both work together. I work towards finding and honing that serene smile on my face, and have already learned from those that I have taught. I feel that my ego is in check, and I am so grateful that Koro Ken has taught me to believe in myself and to trust what I know. I have never learned so much about myself as I have while being a martial artist and I look forward to learning for the rest of my life.

Karate dreams

2007-09-21T08:36:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have karate dreams? I often have this dream where I'm in class and we're usually in shiai. They are always fun and full of movement. There was even this once dream where me and a fellow female dojo mate were making up an entirely new kata. But last night I had my first fight dream. I was in this video store looking at the children's videos when this woman comes over and starts to turn the videos in her direction (they are on a turnstyle type of thing) completely disregarding the fact that I, too, am looking. At first I just pull them back, but she keeps doing it. I then tell her that I am still looking at this particular section and she needs to be aware that someone else was here first and to be patient. Then we just start getting into it. She comes at me and I evade her and give her a "gentle" mawashi geri to her stomach, just to let her know that I know some techniques and it might not be wise to continue. But she does. I don't remember the rest and I woke up in the middle of it. It was so weird! Usually when I have a dream where I'm hitting someone I barely have any strength and am not effective at all. This one was different. There was power in my moves. Hmmm, could I be believing in what I know?

Teaching Flight

2007-09-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

After every class lately Sensei keeps asking me if I'm ready, and I always tell him yes. The truth is I AM actually ready, although the shodan pre-test scared me a bit. Sensei said to me today, "You're teaching Flight, of course you're ready." He means Flight of the Striking Tiger, one of the black belt katas we have to know for the test (the other is Sanseiru). I've known this kata for at least four years, but I have not performed it for that long. It's a beautiful kata that stems from some Chinese MA of which I forget the name. Sensei Morallo told me last night, but it did not stick in my brain. He's tweaked it, of course, for he said that the original is too stiff. Sensei Morallo is big on "twisting the meat" in the body, making if move softly, yet powerfully. All of our moves must come from hara and our stances must be strong yet supple. Yesterday afternoon he took us through Shisochin and Sanseiru and told us some amazing things about what to do in those katas. He told us when to use kime, how our bodies should be moving. The trunk of his body is exactly like a wall, no kidding. That's what is feels like. He has such control and when he strikes it's just like a snake. At the end of the class we all sparred for half an hour or so. My head was pounding from my injury, so I donned a sparring helmet since I had been tagged on the exact spot a few times. This is the thing, my head is such a target because I'm short and my head is right there for the taking. Ugh, I really don't feel comfortable going full-bore. We had on 16oz. gloves and just had at each other. I had the pleasure (note the sarcasm) of sparring with Sensei Morallo. You can hit him, it doesn't hurt him. I don't know who could hurt him. He did teach me some great stuff, parrying, etc. I just don't do it enough, and it's a big part of the shodan shiai. Sensei Bottomms does not like to spar heavily, he doesn't believe that it's a valuable part of karate. We do much more slow flow Ju Kumite, which teaches you timing, balance, flow. Anyway, Sensei Morallo told us that this shiai is not a "cake walk" and that he doesn't just hand out black belts. That is a very good thing. This will be very, very difficult, but I'm not scared. I'm elated.

I stayed for the kids shiai. Those shiais are always great to be a part of. I love hearing all the kiais and seeing those little people so focused. My nephew was testing for his San Kyu (he's 8) and did an amazing job of Seunchin. Apparently he had awoken that morning with butterflies and felt the stress of it all day long. Right after he was done he burst into tears of relief, literally sobbed against Sensei Bottomms. It was so amazing to see him release like that. I was so proud of him. He is truly a karateka in the making and I hope he sticks with it. His focus is so sharp and his body just knows what to do.

I will not be in class again until next Tuesday, which means practicing in my yard on the grass. I love doing that. So much to do, and so much time to do it.

The universe's revenge?

2007-09-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

Is the universe out to get me? Two weeks ago I hurt my foot and today while playing with Griffyn at the local sandbox I had the metal handle of the scoop toy drop directly onto the top of my forehead. It hit me hard enough for me to see stars and I felt it all the way down my spine. Griffyn had been sitting on the seat at the time and I think he thought he made it happen, which he didn't. When I looked to see where he was I saw him crouched behind the seat with his head in his hands. Oh, sweet boy! He wasn't crying, but clearly upset about my reaction. It fucking hurt!!! Excuse the explitive, but it's appropriate. So I was just thinking, "Okay, what's the third thing?" I then promptly told myself there is no third thing, what will happend next is the shodan shiai, period. No more getting hurt. This is ridiculous. It hurt bad enough for me to think about going to the doctor, but now I feel okay, just a little tired and throbbing. At least I'll have a good bruise...and no, it didn't come from karate...

This makes me think of self-sabotage. Is there some part of me that doesn't feel I'm really worthy of going the next step in my martial arts? Am I afraid to? That's entirely possible. Yes, I do feel afraid, but I feel ready for this. I'm ready to dive into the unkown and make it known, make it my own.

I'll have to talk more about this in another post. This afternoon is a very busy karate afternoon. I soon am off for the shodan pre-test, which is an hour and a half. Then the kid's shiai followed by the adult kyu shiai. I planned ahead and only did one massage today. It was very nice to spend the morning doing family time. I'll just have to watch out for metal backhoe thingys from now on.

Why I do karate

2007-09-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

It all began after watching "The Matrix". My sister had just had her first child and I had witnessed the entire thing. While staying with her I went to see that movie and was transfixed by the martial arts moves. I said to myself, "I really, really want to learn that!" For the past year my kickboxing instructor had been bugging me to join his dojo and learn Koro Ken. After seeing the movie I went to my first class. The next day I could barely walk. I had used leg muscles that I never knew were there and it felt GREAT! I was hooked, so I kept going. A few months later I tested for yellow belt. Then went to second green. Then purple. Then first brown. Then second brown. After a year at second brown Sensei Bottomms wanted me to test for Shodan with another student. I was apprehensive, but excited. At this time it was about achieving rank, seeing how far I could go. Two weeks later I was trail running and sprained my ankle. It wasn't pretty and I was out of the running for Shodan. I was upset, but not terribly so. I continued training and then started to slack off. I can't remember why or at what point in my life I was at, but I do remember a lot of transition, break-ups, moves, etc. Karate was on the back burner because it had to be at that time. So, I went back again, then met my husband, got married and got pregnant (yeah, I REALLY wanted a baby.) I went to class a few times early in my pregnancy, but was extremely nauseous and it just didn't feel right. Then Griffyn was born and I became a mommy. I went to a few of my nephew's classes to just soak in the training, but formal training for me did not begin again until last summer. At that point I had had enough waiting. It was time to go back. So I went at it full bore, and could barely do 10 push-ups. By December I was testing for I Kyu and the feeling of martial arts was beginning to sink in. I was beginning to feel it, to make it my own. The power of hara, the power of moving so effortlessly was just fantastic to feel. For the longest time I just couldn't "get" what it was supposed to feel like. I could do all the moves, and do them well, and found that when my brain was out of the equation my moves had a different flow. This was so exciting for me. For years Sensei had been telling me to "move from hara", "just let it flow", "soften, Karrie". Now I was beginning to actually live it, and not just in martial arts training.

So why write all of that? Because I do karate for the history, for the building of the foundation. It started with a movie, and whenever I see that movie I laugh at how stiff the actors look doing karate, how staged it looks. To me karate means training, it means being true to yourself, it means pushing yourself, it means trusting yourself. Never have I felt so sure of who I am, and of what I am capable of accomplishing. The trust is the biggest part of this. When you trust your teacher and your fellow dojo mates the learning is compounded by that trust. It's fun, it's easy, and it's harder. When you trust the moves they flow better. When you don't trust the moves they don't work very well.

The hardest part of becoming a martial artist (at least for me) is believing that you are a martial artist. When I started it was to learn fancy moves, not necessarily to learn about me. I thought I had already done that in massage school (at that time I was only a year into my massage career. Massage school was very intense and you do learn a lot about yourself and your boundaries.) However, as the years of training slipped by I stared to realize that karate wasn't just about the moves; it was also about internal growth. The training was also applicable to my massage career, and to my relationships (not just paramours, but family, friends, etc.) Once you give into the flow of things, everything else just fits into place, it really does.

Whew, I think I just started my Shodan paper. One more week to go. I will be glad when it's all over. My brain has been so full of everything I must know, but my body knows it better than my brain does and I trust it to get me through. It's not just about the color of the belt for me anymore, it's about taking one more step closer to myself and closer to moving from hara. I am a martial artist, I will always be a martial artist.

Two Weeks

2007-09-11T10:30:00.001-07:00

Well, the foot is not broken and is actually very functional. The power of intention is a very powerful thing....

The shiai is two weeks away. Next Wednesday we have a shodan pre-test for an hour and a half with Sensei Morallo. Then I will most likely participate in the kyu shiai that same afternoon. Practice, practice and more practice. I feel very good about this.

For every belt test we have had to write a paper about what we have learned at each stage of testing. For the shodan test we have to delve a bit deeper. I've begun thinking about what I will write and what books I will refer to that have deepened my practice. I will have to start it soon so that time doesn't get away with me.

Class was very low key today. I taught most of it and just had everyone do the katas and bunkai that they have been working on for shiai. It sounds like Thursday will be a bit more energetic...

He stole my heart (this is not a romance)

2007-09-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today I went up to the Rutland dojo again for an I Kyu shiai. One of our Ni Kyus is leaving for boarding school and it was his turn for shiai. I joined in and it was great. Tough. Great. There was this green belt I was doing Ippons with who had an injured foot and she stepped out because it was just too much (train smart!), so I ended up working Ippons with Sensei Bottomms. He turned it on and turned it up. Needless to say he stole my heart. I became so flustered that it was almost as if I forgot all my training and did not feel like my self-defense was worthy. What an awakening!!! It's so amazing how something like being uprooted can throw everything off. I did manage to regain most of my focus back, but on one throw I did not project him far enough away from me and ended up with his knee into my foot. So I then had to bow out. I just had an x-ray and the fourth long bone (metatarsal) is not broken, but one of the smaller bones had a "questionable" appearance. Now I need to wait until tomorrow afternoon when a radiologist can read the x-ray to see if it is indeed broken. I do not plan on stopping my training, will just have to "train smart". That means no sparring or kicking anything with density with my right foot. No Kabox (lots of jumping), which means elliptical trainer in order to keep up the cardiovascular output. I can do all my upper body moves and slow Ippons. Again, I just have to train smart. This will be an adventure, and a learning experience. When isn't there a learning experience....

Too much attitude.

2007-08-31T09:20:00.001-07:00

Man, there are some kohai in my class that have just a little too much of an attitude, and it's really not pretty. I went to class last night, bowed in a began to stretch. Sensei was not in yet and everyone was either stretching, gabbing or just milling about (which is really not a good thing to do before class starts. That time is meant for practice...) and I started to stretch a little before rounding up the class. I always wait a bit before I start class to see if Sensei is coming right in or needs a few minutes. Anyway, this nikyu comes up to me and asks if he should get class going or if I was going to do it. Hmm. I told him I was just warming up a little before starting class and that we would be lining up momentarily. He then said it was always a good idea to get everyone sweaty, etc., because Sensei really likes that. Duh. I know that since this apple does not fall far from her Sensei's tree. I let him know that I often have to start class during the day time (when he cannot be there so he wouldn't know this) and this was not new for me. Anyway, I grumble, but was a bit annoyed by the attitude he was throwing my way. And he was throwing it, I'm not exaggerating and I'm known for hyperbole. So I start class right off with 50 pushups and then 40 more variations of pushups and then straight into kihones and kata. Then into kicking, and when I did not get a quick response to go into migi zenkutsidachi (please forgive my phonetic spelling, I mean front stance with right leg back) I had everyone hold horse stance for a bit, including me. Anyway, he wanted sweat, he got sweat. There's been a little too much of the attitude going around in our dojo with a few people and Sensei and I had a chat about it today. Hopefully they will find some humility...

Four weeks

2007-08-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

Well, the shodan shiai has been set for September 26, with a pre-test on September 19. This is something new, the pre-test. Master Morallo will be down that day for the kyu tests, so all those going for shodan will meet with him to go over everything and see what we have to work on before the final testing. I'm feeling really calm and ready, which is wonderful. My brain seems to have fallen into this amazing groove with my martial arts lately. I'm feeling strong and knowledgeable and faced with so much more to learn. That I really enjoy, the fact that there will always be something new to learn, some new task to face. I'm so excited to be embarking on this new path, the shodan path. I've always been on a path, but this one is special somehow. I've worked so hard to get to where I am and am looking forward to working even harder to go even further. Someday I'd love to open a dojo in Burlington, VT and teach this style. It just feels right to me. I really enjoy teaching because you learn so much from it and it pushes all kinds of buttons. Challenge is healthy. Challenge keeps you strong.

Not my shodan

2007-08-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went up to Rutland to support Drew, the San Kyu who was going for his Shodan. The Rutland dojo is the "mother" dojo, and it was the first time I had ever been there. Drew's test was a tough one, but he did very, very well. Originally he was only going to be receiving a junior shodan since he's only 17, but then Master Morallo decided that his performance warrented a full shodan. Quite a surprise for Drew and our Sensei Bottomms (who was very proud!). I got to help Drew out with Ippon Kumite. It was great. We were both so on and very well matched. Master Morallo was very pleased. Kudos for us! There's still no date set yet for my shodan, but now it sounds like it will also be a nidan test as well for two of our shodans. This should be a very interesting shiai and I can't wait! I really feel ready and am now just staying in shape and practicing as much as I can. Now all I have to do is not get hurt in any way...

Today Sensei Bottomms told the class that this year is the year of martial arts courtesy in our dojo. We will be paying close attention to rank in the dojo and the higher belts will each be given a lower belt to work with. I think that's such a great idea, and the courtesy, too. Our dojo is very traditional and respect within the dojo is very important. It also transfers to life outside the dojo as well, and if we are ever in other dojos. It's just about respect for each other overall and I really, really dig that.

I've been really focusing on hara work lately, and it seems to be paying off. I found this beautiful crane Qi Gong form on youtube and will do my best to do it every day. My life right now really needs a little slowness, a little focus. The massage business is crazy, the martial arts is tough, and when I go home I need those few breaths to just slow down and be present for my family. Balance has been tough to find, and hubby is feeling a little frustrated with how much my mind has been on MA lately. But that's the way it is, that's how I live, and it will always be that way. The trick is not to let the MA get in the way, but to be present within my life. I'm getting there, but it's been a small battle. Time to change battle to something else.

Being the teacher

2007-08-16T10:32:00.001-07:00

Teaching karate is not easy. To try to put into words and actions what you have learned in order to make it understandable to others is very challenging. Sensei was off on a motorcycle adventure today (mental health day) and I am dai sempai (unless our other black belts are in class, which they usually aren't at that time). I felt so put on the spot and a little uncomfortable today. This isn't the first time I've taught, but today just felt a little weird to me. There's this voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me I really want to be Sensei some day (that's some day a long way from now). It's hard to not feel like I want to crawl inside a hole sometimes! And I also kept putting myself down when I didn't do a move right. What?! It was just very strange. But my head-set lately hasn't been that great since there are other outside forces acting in not very nice ways on my brain right now, which in turn affects my performance in karate. Forces like marriage troubles, work troubles (as in I want to work less and be a mommy more). The marriage troubles aren't devestating, just annoyingly present. Anyway, I digress. When others are looking to you for guidance and instruction it places so much pressure on your performance. I kept feeling like I had to get everything right, which isn't the right mindset in my opinion. There was no one to show off to, to gain approval from. I think that this was just me coming into another phase in my training, specifically teacher training. In order to get a black belt in Koro Ken you must teach on a regular basis, and not only just by yourself but in every class. It's a wonderful way to improve on what you already know and forces you to go back to the beginning. It also provides humbleness, which is a great thing in martial arts. To be humble is so important in the karate world (the martial arts world for that matter). The class today was also all men, but men that I have been training with for a while. So, we just went through a few kihones and then the first three kata and their bunkai. Then I tried the technique Charles James Sensei has been writing about in the isshindo.blogspot.com blog, which is having uke and tori during the kata. It was really interesting to mix things up a bit. I also had them do this facing in the opposite direction, which is always a challenge. But when I brought up that I wanted to try something new, they all backed away, laughing, and pointed at one guy to be the "guinea pig". Guess I can be a little too rough sometimes....

Kata, dear Kata

2007-08-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

I love kata, and feel that it has such an importance in my karate practice. In my dojo, kata is very crucial to our learning, along with bunkai. The most challenging thing for me now is moving from hara in all aspects of karate, especially in kata practice. I find that when I'm moving from my shoulders or my legs the kata does not go smoothly and I get more and more frustrated (another battle of mine...). But when I sink and move from hara everything fits into place, the kata comes alive. It's a beautiful thing.

Today class was great. Everyone was moving together and the energy was alive. There were lots of push-ups in-between kata, along with a few sit-ups. Myself and another I Kyu went through our upper kata as well. To sweat is to perservere I say. The other I Kyu will be testing for Shodan next Wednesday since he will be leaving for his first year of college three days later, and I will be going. Who knows, maybe that will be my testing time as well. I need to wear my gi, anything is possible. I asked this I Kyu today how long he had been training (he started while I was on hiatus) and he said two years! Talk about belt skipping...that made me a little annoyed, but I guess sometimes there are those who just fly through. But still, he has much to learn even though he is ready for this test. Although by the look of his face I'm not sure he feels the same. We shall see. All I know is that I am very glad that it has taken me 7 years to reach this point. Of course I had some time off to have a baby, but it's been a wonderful ride and I hope to continue for as long as I live!

I recently found out that our upper katas are based off of the Shito Ryu katas - Bassai Dai, Shisochin, Sanseru, Lun Wane Kune (although I'm not sure which kata that one is derived from). Today Sensei said that Lun Wane Kune is a "20 year kata", meaning that it takes at least 20 years to fully understand the kata. I'm already 6 years into it...

Postponed

2007-08-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

So, the black belt shiai has been postponed, and hopefully not too long. Sensei Bottomms feels it will most likely be in early September. When I heard that at the end of class last night I was immediately frustrated, and then started to think that the extra time to practice and train was not such a bad idea. Part of me just wants this to be over so that I can go back to normal, that is not thinking so much about all of what I have learned. Mind you, even when I'm not training for shiai I'm thinking about karate, but it's just more intense right now since our black belt tests are so physically and mentally demanding. One of my dojo mates is going on August 22, so I'll go and support him. He's off to college on the 27th and needed to have it before then and it will also be in the "mother" dojo in Rutland, VT. See, Master Morallo is the one who tests us, not Sensei Bottomms, which can make for a few shifts in shiai times. It can definitely get frustrating, but it seems as though Master Morallo's father is ill and needs his son. So, we wait and train harder, like we did today. My legs were practically shaking by the end of class. We went over the first three kata - Empi (elbow kata), Taikyoko Shodan (First Cause #1) and Taikyoko Nidan (First Cause #2) - all of which require low front stances and cresent stepping, and with Empi horse stance, too. Plus we did these slow since there were two people new to these kata, which meant holding low stances. Ugh. Then I would stay up and perform the same kata at my speed after we all did them together. Then on to push-ups, etc. Great class. Last night I did some slow-flow with Sensei and I have to say that it's becoming much more comfortable. He's all about relaxing in your moves and moving from hara and not about being hard and fast. Quickness comes from within and if you don't move from hara the technique is wasted.

There are so many nuances to kata that you are always perfecting. First you learn the moves in the kata, then you become comfortable with those moves, then you practice over and over. After the kata becomes known completely by your body you go into the small things, like a solid chamber hand, low stances, low kicks, etc. Last night in class we worked Sanchin kata, which is pretty difficult in regards to stance. First you must be in the sanchin stance and root down into the ground. Then you must spiral your energy upwards, contract you lats, spiral your arms. It's a hard way to stand. Then you must breathe easy and focus each strike as though it were a full strike. So much to learn! Anyway, I love kata. You are fighting yourself and you lose when you lose your focus.