Fighting in a circle

I used to fear fighting in the middle of a circle of people. These days, however, it's much more exciting and I see it for the challenge that it can bring to martial arts training. In our circle we do not defend fast, even is the attacker is going fast. The trick is to be calm and relaxed and control the adrenaline dump. In today's class I had a wonderful time inside the circle and felt pretty relaxed and confident. Certain aspects, like really connecting from hara and blending, are beginning to find a home within my body. Blending with the uke is the toughest for me to connect with because nine times out of ten the uke is much taller than me and I immediately go up to their level instead of using my short stature to my advantage. It's what my body wants to do right away. That has been a tough battle and continues to this day. However, with today's class I was beginning to "get it", at least in my brain. Now all I have to do is repeat it ad infinitum in order for my body to go there as well, right away. One other battle is hesitation at the onset of the attack and again the more I practice self-defense the less that will occur. I need to go back to the training I was doing before the shodan test. It all sort of fell away once the test was over, but I really need to be training at that level all the time. My mind is there, but my body has definitely been slacking lately. I also was unable to go to the kempo class this past Monday, but am hopeful that they will see me this coming Monday.